The government should invest in education and health care. Governments should invest funds into tourism. To what extent do you agree with your statement?

I disagree with the idea that
governments
should invest more in
tourism
than in education and healthcare. There are several reasons for
this
finding. In
this
essay, I analyze and compare these reasons using specific examples.
First,
it is necessary for
governments
to motivate young adults to become a
future
workforce in a country. To do so, it is important to place emphasis on helping those houses with less income.
For example
, creating tuition funds for students with ability will help minimize the gap between the rich and the poor in the
future
. By funding the people of ability when they are in need, they believe their country is a good society, and they will be more willing to work hard to contribute to the nation.
Second,
it is crucial to decrease the number of preventable deaths,
such
as traffic accidents and cases of preventable life-associated diseases. To evaluate and analyze previous accident data and how to prevent obesity,
governments
should invest a certain amount of money in research institutes. In doing so, motivated researchers and analysts will encourage a better life for everyone.
Finally
,
governments
should not place many public assets on
tourism
. Rather, they should extract profits as a tax.
However
, they should regulate the
tourism
system to ensure the safety and preservation of the natural environment. Preparation for the Olympics or the Expo is not an exception;
this
is a chance for the government to gain an extra amount of national income. In conclusion, it is necessary for the government to extract a certain amount of profit from
tourism
and invest those national assets in education and health care for the
future
workforce of the nation.
This
positive cycle will
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
a better society in the
future
.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating a bit more on your specific examples to enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments. Providing more detailed real-world instances can make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is cohesive, adding a few more transitional phrases between paragraphs and within them could help in making the flow of your argument even smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your essay with clear and coherent paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally well-supported with relevant points, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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