Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
A huge amount of
people
are smoking excessively despite the fact that smoking causes health issues. It is a considerable issue because smoking is not only harmful to smokers
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
threatening
anyone around the smoker. One solution that could be offered is for the Wrong verb form
threatens
government
should take action to restrict the distribution of tobacco
.
It is widely agreed that smoking is harmful for active and passive smokers
. Some dangerous materials such
as nicotine and tar cause many health problems such
as lung cancer, high blood pressure, and stroke, yet these also
affect passive smokers
who inhale the combustion. Many people
in Indonesia report their family is diagnosed with lung cancer as a side effect of inhaling the steam of a family member who is a smoker. Thus
, it is undoubtedly that smoking is paramount to be considered.
Considering the impacts of smoking excessively, action from the government
is needed to prevent the increasing of smokers
. The government
should restrict people
from consuming tobacco
and limit the distribution, and these actions are taken with the hope that people
would reduce their smoking habit. Therefore
, smoking excessively would decrease. For instance
, the government
in Mekkah prohibited people
from consuming tobacco
and restricted its sales, as a result
, Mekkah became one of the countries with the lowest number of smokers
in the world.
To conclude
, smoking is harmful for both passive and active smokers
and should be a consideration topic. Hence
, the government
should take preventive actions to restrict the distribution and sales of tobacco
. This
regulation could decrease the issue of the increasing of smokers
in many countries.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the solutions further. For instance, you could explore other approaches such as public awareness campaigns, increasing taxes on tobacco products, or offering support for those who want to quit smoking.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger concluding statement that summarizes the main points and underscores the importance of the proposed solutions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases can help in maintaining flow and logical structure.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the prompt effectively by discussing the concerns associated with smoking and proposing a solution.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic. The use of an example from Indonesia and Mekkah provides good support for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?