Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

A huge amount of
people
are smoking excessively despite the fact that smoking causes health issues. It is a considerable issue because smoking is not only harmful to
smokers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
threatening
Wrong verb form
threatens
show examples
anyone around the smoker. One solution that could be offered is for the
government
should take action to restrict the distribution of
tobacco
. It is widely agreed that smoking is harmful for active and passive
smokers
. Some dangerous materials
such
as nicotine and tar cause many health problems
such
as lung cancer, high blood pressure, and stroke, yet these
also
affect passive
smokers
who inhale the combustion. Many
people
in Indonesia report their family is diagnosed with lung cancer as a side effect of inhaling the steam of a family member who is a smoker.
Thus
, it is undoubtedly that smoking is paramount to be considered. Considering the impacts of smoking excessively, action from the
government
is needed to prevent the increasing of
smokers
. The
government
should restrict
people
from consuming
tobacco
and limit the distribution, and these actions are taken with the hope that
people
would reduce their smoking habit.
Therefore
, smoking excessively would decrease.
For instance
, the
government
in Mekkah prohibited
people
from consuming
tobacco
and restricted its sales,
as a result
, Mekkah became one of the countries with the lowest number of
smokers
in the world.
To conclude
, smoking is harmful for both passive and active
smokers
and should be a consideration topic.
Hence
, the
government
should take preventive actions to restrict the distribution and sales of
tobacco
.
This
regulation could decrease the issue of the increasing of
smokers
in many countries.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the solutions further. For instance, you could explore other approaches such as public awareness campaigns, increasing taxes on tobacco products, or offering support for those who want to quit smoking.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger concluding statement that summarizes the main points and underscores the importance of the proposed solutions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases can help in maintaining flow and logical structure.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the prompt effectively by discussing the concerns associated with smoking and proposing a solution.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic. The use of an example from Indonesia and Mekkah provides good support for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

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