IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that the amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While
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 it is true that
television
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 affects
children
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, it is difficult to determine whether the
content
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 of
programmes
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 or the amount of
time
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 spent watching has a greater impact. I believe that
although
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 viewing
time
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 does have negative effects, the
content
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 of TV
programmes
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 is more influential. On the one hand, watching
television
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 for long periods of
time
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 can be harmful to
children
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. The more
time
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children
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 spend in front of screens, the more likely they are to become addicted to
television
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 and neglect outdoor activities.
This
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 can lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which negatively affects their physical health in the long term.
In addition
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, excessive screen
time
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 reduces opportunities for real-life communication, which may weaken
children
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’s social skills and make it harder for them to interact confidently with others.
On the other hand
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, the
content
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 of
television
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programmes
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 has a more direct influence on
children
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’s behaviour and values. Many
programmes
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 include violence, drug use, or inappropriate behaviour, which
children
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 may imitate without fully understanding the consequences.
This
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 can lead to the development of unhealthy attitudes and risky behaviours in real life.
For example
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,
children
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 exposed to scenes where alcohol consumption is portrayed as normal or attractive may underestimate its harmful effects.
Furthermore
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, advertising
also
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 plays a significant role, as commercials for junk food, toys, or video games can strongly shape
children
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’s preferences and encourage impulsive consumption, especially when
such
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content
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 is repeatedly targeted at young audiences. In conclusion,
while
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 both viewing
time
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 and programme
content
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 have negative effects on
children
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, I believe that
content
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 has a stronger and more lasting influence on their behaviour and values.
Therefore
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, parental guidance is essential in helping
children
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 develop healthy viewing habits and a balanced understanding of media messages.

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task response
For task response, add one more clear example for the first side about time. This will make both sides feel more equal and full.
task response
For task response, your opinion is clear, but you can make it even stronger by explaining a little more why content is stronger than time.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas move in a clear order. To make links even better, you can use a few more simple words like 'also' and 'because' inside paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the last sentence is good, but you can link it more directly to your opinion by saying how parents should control both time and content.
task response
For task response, you answered both views and gave your own opinion clearly.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main focus, so the essay is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence behaviour
  • violent content
  • inappropriate content
  • educational programs
  • role models
  • aggressive behaviour
  • positive behaviour
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical health issues
  • social interactions
  • social skills
  • parental involvement
  • moderate impact
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