Experts say if older people spend their time with other people and exercise daily their lives will be happier and healthier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss cause and solution.

In recent days, obtaining a
credit
card
can be done through easy steps.
However
, some
people
are unable to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their financial obligations and accumulate debts over time.
This
essay will argue that the advantages outweigh the
drawbacks
. The essay will first demonstrate the benefits of owning a
credit
card
and
then
will cover the
drawbacks
and clearly show how the benefits surpass the
drawbacks
. We live in an era where prices are rapidly increasing every year, leaving
people
in need of additional financial support.
For instance
, purchasing a car can be a burden for some
people
since they are unable to pay the full price in advance;
hence
, they can purchase or rent a car by using a
credit
card
installment
Change the spelling
instalment
show examples
plan. Another necessity would be paying educational institutions in advance, and some parents cannot afford to pay the full semester price beforehand.
Therefore
, by utilizing
credit
cards,
people
are able to complete essential payments in advance. One major drawback of utilizing
credit
cards is not being able to pay back the bank, leading to accumulated debts.
This
can occur in several cases,
for instance
, when
credit
card
owners are unemployed, between jobs, or they are working as freelancers with unstable
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
.
Therefore
, they may not be able to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their financial obligations on time.
However
,
this
could only happen in certain situations in which
people
should take responsibility and ensure that they have a secure job to be able to pay their debts back. In short,
while
the disadvantages of owning a
credit
card
can lead to harmful situations, I firmly believe the benefits outweigh the
drawbacks
, which can be solved by ensuring job security before utilizing them.
Submitted by norahhamad98 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, but it could benefit from more transitional phrases between paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
The discussion of solutions to potential drawbacks is somewhat brief. Expanding on this section could enhance task achievement.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as using credit cards for car purchases and educational expenses.
introduction conclusion present
It presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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