IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for children. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.

#television #children #support
Many people claim that watching television is
negavative
Correct your spelling
negative
 for children more than
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 outside with kids
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same age.
Dispite
Correct your spelling
Despite
 the fact that, it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many factors more than
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 time
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 TV actually, I
belives
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 sitting
front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
 of
box
Correct article usage
a box
show examples
 for a long time will lead to
leading
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 for young.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay needs a clearer logical structure. It currently lacks clear paragraphing and transitions. Use separate paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. The essay seems to jump directly into the topic without providing context or summarizing at the beginning and end.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more detail and specific examples. Explain why watching television is bad for children with supporting evidence or anecdotes.
Task Achievement
The argument presented is relevant to the topic and addresses the task.
Task Achievement
You have conveyed your opinion clearly, stating that watching television is unhealthy for children.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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