Living in a big city can be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern world, big cities
such
as New York and London have upgraded Linking Words
than
the past and have more technologies that help Change preposition
in
people
live easier and more convenient. It has been controversial that Use synonyms
people
who live in a Use synonyms
city
will have bad Use synonyms
health
. I strongly agree with Use synonyms
this
statement that a Linking Words
city
can have more mental Use synonyms
health
issues than the countryside, which I will discuss in the following essay.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, In a big Linking Words
city
which has so much Use synonyms
technology
and transportation, it can cause more greenhouse and bad pollution. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
this
year Bangkok was hotter than in the past because of the industrial plant and Linking Words
technology
that polluted Use synonyms
such
as PM 2.5, Linking Words
thus
, the population that has mental Linking Words
health
issues increasing every year Use synonyms
such
as lung cancer. Linking Words
In addition
, transportation is an important thing for Linking Words
people
because it is convenient and saves time.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, the countryside has less technological capacity than the cities, Linking Words
therefore
, Linking Words
people
would have good Use synonyms
health
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, most Linking Words
people
in other provinces could have jobs Use synonyms
such
as farmers that use low Linking Words
technology
and use cars for transportation when they have to extend to the cities. Use synonyms
For instance
, my uncle has a farm in Bangna that produces vegetables Linking Words
such
as corn, strawberry, durian, watermelon, orange and apple, and go to the Linking Words
city
once a week to sell them.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, the big Linking Words
city
has more pollution that causes bad Use synonyms
health
, Use synonyms
while
the countryside is far away from Linking Words
technology
. Nowadays, the development of Use synonyms
technology
is the main point that causes mental Use synonyms
health
issues.Use synonyms
Submitted by napatnp18065322 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay provides a response to the prompt and you have made your position clear. However, the explanation of how pollution in cities impacts mental health specifically could be more thorough.
task achievement
Ensure you address each aspect of your main points with relevant examples and elaborate on how they precisely relate to the topic.
task achievement
Expand on your main ideas with more detailed examples. For instance, explain more specifically how farming in the countryside leads to better health and why commuting once a week is healthier.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical sequence of ideas, but transitions between some of the points could be smoother. Linking phrases and conjunctions would help.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion summarizes your points well, it could be strengthened by summarizing the main arguments more concisely.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully framed your point of view in the introduction and conclusion, making it clear where you stand.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as your uncle's farming activities, which help support your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.