Living in a big city can be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern world, big cities
such
as New York and London have upgraded than
the past and have more technologies that help Change preposition
in
people
live easier and more convenient. It has been controversial that people
who live in a city
will have bad health
. I strongly agree with this
statement that a city
can have more mental health
issues than the countryside, which I will discuss in the following essay.
To begin
with, In a big city
which has so much technology
and transportation, it can cause more greenhouse and bad pollution. For example
, this
year Bangkok was hotter than in the past because of the industrial plant and technology
that polluted such
as PM 2.5, thus
, the population that has mental health
issues increasing every year such
as lung cancer. In addition
, transportation is an important thing for people
because it is convenient and saves time.
Furthermore
, the countryside has less technological capacity than the cities, therefore
, people
would have good health
. Moreover
, most people
in other provinces could have jobs such
as farmers that use low technology
and use cars for transportation when they have to extend to the cities. For instance
, my uncle has a farm in Bangna that produces vegetables such
as corn, strawberry, durian, watermelon, orange and apple, and go to the city
once a week to sell them.
To sum up
, the big city
has more pollution that causes bad health
, while
the countryside is far away from technology
. Nowadays, the development of technology
is the main point that causes mental health
issues.Submitted by napatnp18065322 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay provides a response to the prompt and you have made your position clear. However, the explanation of how pollution in cities impacts mental health specifically could be more thorough.
task achievement
Ensure you address each aspect of your main points with relevant examples and elaborate on how they precisely relate to the topic.
task achievement
Expand on your main ideas with more detailed examples. For instance, explain more specifically how farming in the countryside leads to better health and why commuting once a week is healthier.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical sequence of ideas, but transitions between some of the points could be smoother. Linking phrases and conjunctions would help.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion summarizes your points well, it could be strengthened by summarizing the main arguments more concisely.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully framed your point of view in the introduction and conclusion, making it clear where you stand.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as your uncle's farming activities, which help support your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!