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Writing Samples /
Band 7

You are going on a short training course at a college in Greenmount, Northern Ireland. You need somewhere to live while you are there. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter: •explain your situation •describe the accommodation you require •say when you will need it

#course #college #greenmount #ireland #accommodation #officer #•explain #situation #•describe #•say
Dear Sir or Madam, I, Nakul, am going to start a financial training
course
 at your college's Greenmount, Northern Ireland campus. I am writing
this
 letter to request
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accommodation for the
3 month
Add a hyphen
3-month
show examples
 duration of the
course
. So far, I have not had any luck finding
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accommodation off-campus because I do not have any contacts in that area.
Although
 on-campus accommodation is more expensive than the off-campus options, I believe it is better for me to live on-campus considering the minimal commute to classes and the conducive environment for learning. I prefer a shared flat with two
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 bedrooms which I would share with another student from the
course
 or any finance
course
.
Due to
 my religious beliefs, I do not consume meat or alcohol and would like any potential roommates to be aware of
this
. My
course
 will start next month on the 15th but I will be arriving on campus on the 11th to get setup and ready for the
course
.
Therefore
, I need a place to live from September 11th through November 15th. Thanks for your time and looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Nakul
Submitted by nakuleshj1998 on

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task achievement
You've provided a comprehensive response and included all relevant information. However, it would be beneficial to specify more about the amenities or specific needs, if any, for further clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured, each focusing on a single idea. To improve even further, consider connecting the paragraphs with more transitional phrases for better flow.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is very appropriate for a formal request. It reflects politeness and clarity, which are suitable for this context.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a logical structure with a clear beginning, middle, and end, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You've used a proper greeting and closing, which adds to the formality and respectfulness of the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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