IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A test for cycling should be mandatory. Do you agree or disagree?

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An exam to ride bikes should be required.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 idea because
,
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apply
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 unwise cycling can damage the members of a road moving and cyclists can injure themself.
Firstly
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 riding without proper knowledge of traffic rules can lead to accidents involving cyclists and other road users. If you want to use a cycle you should have permission.
However
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, there are traffic
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
, as you drive on a road, doubtless, you must follow traffic recommendations to ensure safety.
For example
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, there is a statistic presented by the PR department of police in Almaty City, 23% of accidents occur involving cycles.
Although
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, serious health damage was applied to pedestrians in every 3rd case. Mostly, it results because of not keeping principles on bicycle control. That's why we need the examination. Meanwhile, there is a way to ride safely in special places like the backyard just to improve your skills, without any permission. Another reason why tests for cycling should exist is the fact that they influence biker safety. As a rule,
according to
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 crushes, drivers usually brake arms, hurts heads and even backs.
For example
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, the State Hospital of Kazakhstan illustrates data about the most common traumas that occur
while
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 riding a bike. As it was written previously, arm braking is 37%, head pain is 26% and back injury is 13%. So, facts show that it's necessary to have an exam before you sit for the vehicle. In conclusion, riding a bicycle is a hazardous action,
therefore
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 checking knowledge of controlling the cycle should exist. Taking care of own safety
supposed
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is supposed
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 to keep
regulation
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regulations
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. Generally, I believe that tests to rule cycle are saving lives.

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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed. Sometimes, the essay mentions points but doesn’t expand on them fully. For example, you mention that cyclists can injure themselves, but you don't delve deeply into this point.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your paragraphs. Some paragraphs contain sentences that could be organized more logically. For instance, a better transition between the need for permission and the consequences of accidents could help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, as these can distract the reader. For example, "input your skills" should be rephrased to "improve your skills." Additionally, watch out for punctuation issues like unnecessary commas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and the main points you will discuss in your essay.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant examples and statistics to support your arguments, which is a strong point. For instance, using the data about accidents in Almaty City adds credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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