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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The costs of medical health care are increasing all the time. Governments are finding it difficult to balance the health care budget. Should citizens be totally responsible for their own health costs and take out private health insurance, or is it better to have a comprehensive health care system which provides free health services for all? Discuss.

#costs #health #care #time #governments #balance #budget #citizens #insurance #system #services
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These days, the government's role in supporting the healthcare system is a topic of much debate. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is the responsibility of the government to provide an allowance for
health
Use synonyms
 costs,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that individuals have to afford
health
Use synonyms
 insurance themselves. I will discuss both views before coming to a reasoned conclusion. The argument that individuals have to afford medical payments is reasonable to some extent. The first reason is government budgets could be used in other sectors
such
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 as traffic or education. To illustrate, some developing countries can not address all the problems, so they may be in favour of more necessary topics.
For instance
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, China is addressing climate-related issues as the fumes increase significantly in
this
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 country. Another reason is some legislations do not contain
health
Use synonyms
 allowance.
This
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 is because they may want to reduce the tax to lighten the money burden.
For instance
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, lower-class working
people
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, some employees have to raise their family of 5
people
Use synonyms
, and the taxes they pay are not enough to support a comprehensive
health
Use synonyms
 system.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the option to offer free medical support is attractive for several reasons. The first reason for
this
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 is to stimulate
people
Use synonyms
 to check their
health
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and increase well-being among the country’s residents in order to prevent diseases.
For example
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, in order to ease the
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
, governments have provided free vaccinations and hospital fees.
Secondly
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, when inhabitants have been cared to stay in a healthy condition, they can work effectively and contribute substantially
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the economy.
As a result
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, the regions will have opportunities to become more thriving
due to
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 the rise in average income per head. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 should take responsibility to insure their own lives
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 paying for insurance.
However
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, ministers all over the world must keep supporting the poorer citizens so they can have equal quality of treatment as regards their well-being.
Submitted by nguyetcat.dao on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples and data to support your points, which could include statistics, research findings or case studies to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you are linking ideas and paragraphs with a range of cohesive devices (linking words). Your essay should flow smoothly from one idea to the next, making your reasoning easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structuring, ensuring each paragraph contains one clear main idea and is well developed. Avoid putting multiple ideas in one paragraph that may not be fully elaborated.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. Stronger vocabulary demonstrates a higher level of language skills.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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