The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.

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The given bar chart provides information pertaining to the discrepancy of ages who took part in three distinctive Australian

music

Use synonyms

festivals during 2006. It is all measured in percentage.

Overall

Linking Words

, it can be seen that in 2006 popular

music

Use synonyms

percentage was the highest among youth (teenagers and young-middle ages)

while

Linking Words

opera’s percentage was the highest for both old-middle age and elderly groups. It can

also

Linking Words

be observed that classical events were always the most uncommon ones, except elderly

group

Use synonyms

. Looking at the youth groups containing ages from 15 to 44 in

further

Linking Words

detail, it is evident that the bars of popular

music

Use synonyms

were the biggest numbers

whereas

Linking Words

the classical ones were the smallest. In the 15-24-year-old

group

Use synonyms

, the charts of classical, opera and popular followed the trend from the lowest to the highest per cent respectively were 11%, 13% and 38%.

According to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

trend, in the age 25-34

group

Use synonyms

and the 35-44

group

Use synonyms

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

were 8 and 11, 14 and 25, 27 and 33 respectively considered from classical to popular

music

Use synonyms

. Turning to the remaining statistics, in the

group

Use synonyms

of 45-54 years

old

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

, the opera was the biggest number at 15%

while

Linking Words

classical and popular were 10% and 13%.

Besides

Linking Words

that, the elderly

group

Use synonyms

(55+ years old) had the opera bar and popular

music

Use synonyms

bar were the highest and lowest ones at 15% and 5% respectively

whereas

Linking Words

the classical was 8%.

Mon May 27 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, group with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

232 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

attendance patterns
age demographics
teenagers
young adults
middle-aged individuals
senior citizens
varies
preferences
interpret
type of music events
concerts
festivals
classical music events
insightful
popular
cultural influences
social trends
lifestyle choices
affect
rates
economic factors
accessibility
cost of tickets
income levels
comparison
recreational activities
forms of entertainment
noting trends
deviations

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The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.

Money offered for post graduate research is limited; as a consequence, some people argue that financial support from the government should only provide for scientific research rather than research for less useful subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

What can we learn from the boys' experience about the nature of power and leadership?

Nowadays, more people would rather purchase food than cook at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.