IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People's shopping habit depends more on the age group they belong to than other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals opine that it is usual for people to do shopping depending on their
age
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. I partially agree with
this
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 idea. In
this
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 essay, I plan to explore my point of view using a few examples. First of all, obviously, every
person
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's preferences change with
age
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. Speaking about buying clothes, it happens rather seldom when a
person
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 doesn't change physically.
For example
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, women usually gain extra weight as they become older, and,
consequently
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, they cannot buy the same size dresses.
Hence
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, here we have a clear dependence on the
person
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's
age
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.
Furthermore
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, it is a well-known fact that fashion dictates its own rules and it varies from generation to generation.
As a result
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, we have another argument in favour of
this
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 statement.
For instance
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, if our grandmothers dressed in punk style, their granddaughters now wear something completely different and do not understand the fashion of their grandmothers’ times. No doubt, choices of other things
such
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 as furniture, or devices
also
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 depend on an individual's
age
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. The older we get, the more comfortable furniture and equipment we choose. Apart from all the above-mentioned facts, there are a few notions I would like to point out. Needless to say, advertisements of various products and services in a number of situations can impact our shopping. To illustrate, when someone wants to buy a coffee, he will most likely buy a well-advertised brand
such
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 as Nescafe.
This
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 concept shows that not only a
person
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's
age
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 but
also
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 the daily advertisements we hear
while
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 watching TV influence the foods we choose. In conclusion,
although
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 to some extent I agree with the concept that products, services, clothes and other things
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly depend on a
person
Use synonyms
's
age
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, yet,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing moves
such
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 as advertising
also
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 influence our shopping.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your view on the given topic to give the reader an immediate understanding of your position.
task response
Expand on how each point directly supports your opinion. While you provide examples, connecting these back to the main argument will strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced with a topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
For a stronger conclusion, summarise your key points more forcefully to reaffirm your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the reader's understanding of your argument.
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