IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart show attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006

The bar chart show attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006
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The given bar chart contains information pertaining
the
Change preposition
to the
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proportion
Use synonyms
 of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
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 in five different
ages
Use synonyms
 for three
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
music
Use synonyms
 events in Australia during 2006. The figure is shown in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 whose
ages
Use synonyms
 were between 15 and 44 participated in popular
music
Use synonyms
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, participants
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 were 45+ years old enjoyed opera
music
Use synonyms
. Beginning with groups of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
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 whose
ages
Use synonyms
 were between 15 and 44, the popular
music
Use synonyms
 event had the most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
Use synonyms
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. The percentages of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
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 in that event were 38%, 27% and 33% in
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
ages
Use synonyms
 15-24, 25-34 and 35-44 respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the classical
music
Use synonyms
 events that
have
Wrong verb form
had
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lowest
Change the article
the lowest
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proportion
Use synonyms
 were about 11% in both
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
ages
Use synonyms
 15-24 and
group
Use synonyms
ages
Use synonyms
 35-44. Turning to the two
remainning
Correct your spelling
remaining
Use synonyms
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
, it is apparent that the
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 participated in opera events had the same
proportion
Use synonyms
 in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 groups about 15%.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 more than 55 years old who participated in popular
music
Use synonyms
 was the lowest just about 5%.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, ages, music, people, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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