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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the range and quality of food that we can buy has changed due to technological advances. do the advantages of this trend outweighh the disvantages

Nowadays, technological advances have changed many aspects of our lives, including our habits, the quality of
food
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, and what we can buy.
Therefore
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, I believe that the benefits of
this
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trend
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 outweigh the drawbacks.
This
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trend
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 has many benefits. These advantages allow people to enjoy a greater variety of lifestyles in modern society. One major benefit is related to
transportation
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, which makes it possible to import different kinds of meat, seafood, and even fresh dairy products from all over the world.
For example
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, if people want to eat fresh seafood from other continents,
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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 are equipped with freezers that help preserve the freshness of
food
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 during
transportation
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. From an economic perspective, genetically modified
food
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 can be preserved for longer periods and grows faster than traditional crops.
This
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 means that
food
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 freshness can be maintained
while
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 the
overall
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 supply is increased.
This
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trend
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also
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 has some disadvantages. One major drawback is the increase in emissions, which contributes to global warming. Nowadays, many fresh foods and other products need to be delivered by
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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 and ships. Both of these
transportation
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 methods produce large amounts of carbon emissions, which can seriously harm the environment.
In addition
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, the growing demand for fast delivery encourages excessive
transportation
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,
further
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 increasing energy consumption.
As a result
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, technological convenience may come at the cost of environmental sustainability. In conclusion,
although
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this
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trend
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 has some disadvantages, I believe that the benefits of technological advances still outweigh the drawbacks. When used responsibly, technology can greatly improve people’s quality of life despite its negative effects on the environment.

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development
Add more depth to each main idea. give more detail on how tech helps or harms food.
coherence
Use clearer link words to show cause and effect and compare ideas.
examples
Give more real examples or numbers to back up points.
position
Clear view of your main view.
structure
Good structure with an intro and a closing part.
examples
Some strong use of examples.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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