In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

#cultures #children #approach

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In some regions

competition

between

children

is encouraged.

This

can benefit youngsters by accelerating their improvement,

while

also

making them tough;

however

, the

competition

also

makes them chase

perfection

which results in being too hard on themselves. On the one hand, raising

competition

among

children

can boost their drive to improvement,

while

also

teaching them to be resilient. Seeing as the other person is doing better than them makes the other person work harder to win.

Likewise

competition

sometimes can be rough and some people may behave unfairly,

thus

, it

also

teaches

children

to be resilient and to adapt to these situations.

According to

the research, the majority of successful people had engaged in some kind of competitive type of sport or elective during their childhood.

In other words

, it taught them to fight and work hard to achieve the desirable results.

In contrast

competition

also

can form an unhealthy obsession with

perfection

, which results in exhaustion and other health problems. Pressuring

children

to compete with each other changes their perception of

life

. Starting from school they consider they try to be the best in every aspect of their

life

, considering that only being perfect in everything means success.

Moreover

, the thought of

perfection

contributes to leading an unsatisfactory

life

, and

as a result

, pressures people to work hard until they reach the ideal point. A recent study showed that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

overachievers suffer from exhaustion, depression, and anxiety

due to

their constant urge to be the best in every field. In conclusion, inspiring

children

to compete with each other improves their marks and education,

while

also

teaching them to be confident and strong.

Whereas

disadvantages show the future where the person is constantly chasing

perfection

life

Submitted by katenok200312 on Tue May 28 2024

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coherence

Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that supporting details directly relate back to it.

coherence

Further develop and elaborate on your ideas and examples to enhance clarity and impact.

task response

Try to balance the points for both advantages and disadvantages more equally to present a well-rounded argument.

language

Be cautious of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, to improve overall clarity.

structure

The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points.

task response

The main points are relevant to the topic, making the essay focused and on-task.

task response

The examples and points provided are generally clear and comprehensible, contributing to the overall quality of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many supermarkets sell more and more imported food products than ones produced in their home country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

12/1 Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the art and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?