IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #sports #rock
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 have become popular around the world.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 still argue that these
sports
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited for their hazardous consequences on the individual and society. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 argument and I believe that governments should support humans to enjoy these exercises. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss my point of view thoroughly.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I believe that extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 are not as dangerous as many
people
Use synonyms
 think.
People
Use synonyms
 who take part in these activities are usually required to undergo appropriate training so that the dangers are minimized. In Dubai,
for instance
Linking Words
, anyone who wants to try skydiving should sign up for lessons with a registered club and beginners are not allowed to dive solo, they must be accompanied by an expert. These hobbies
therefore
Linking Words
 are safe and have an average risk rate as many other activities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for individuals
as well as
Linking Words
 governments. Since modern life has become brutal and humans struggle because of financial and social burdens, these games could be the solution to the human stress issue. Skiing,
for example
Linking Words
, can be an aspect of enjoyment and stress relief for many men and women who feel restricted by their daily chores.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 brings high income for many developing countries. Many coastal poor cities could benefit from allowing tourists to wave, surf or parachute a mountain.
In other words
Linking Words
, these activities are beneficial and should be encouraged rather
thanprohibited
Correct your spelling
than prohibited
. In conclusion, I believe that extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 can be safe enough and productive for
people
Use synonyms
 and authorities.
Submitted by nook.cooks.hook.uz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on the examples given to provide more in-depth reasoning. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be varied to avoid repetition and to maintain reader interest.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear position from the outset, fulfilling the task response criteria.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure overall, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps to keep the essay coherent and easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the one about skydiving in Dubai, strengthens the points made.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: