IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, extreme
sports
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 have become popular around the world.
Nevertheless
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, some
people
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 still argue that these
sports
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 should be prohibited for their hazardous consequences on the individual and society. I completely disagree with
this
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 argument and I believe that governments should support humans to enjoy these exercises. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss my point of view thoroughly.
To begin
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 with, I believe that extreme
sports
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 are not as dangerous as many
people
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 think.
People
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 who take part in these activities are usually required to undergo appropriate training so that the dangers are minimized. In Dubai,
for instance
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, anyone who wants to try skydiving should sign up for lessons with a registered club and beginners are not allowed to dive solo, they must be accompanied by an expert. These hobbies
therefore
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 are safe and have an average risk rate as many other activities.
Additionally
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, extreme
sports
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 can be beneficial for individuals
as well as
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 governments. Since modern life has become brutal and humans struggle because of financial and social burdens, these games could be the solution to the human stress issue. Skiing,
for example
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, can be an aspect of enjoyment and stress relief for many men and women who feel restricted by their daily chores.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 brings high income for many developing countries. Many coastal poor cities could benefit from allowing tourists to wave, surf or parachute a mountain.
In other words
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, these activities are beneficial and should be encouraged rather
thanprohibited
Correct your spelling
than prohibited
. In conclusion, I believe that extreme
sports
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 can be safe enough and productive for
people
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 and authorities.

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task achievement
Expand on the examples given to provide more in-depth reasoning. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be varied to avoid repetition and to maintain reader interest.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear position from the outset, fulfilling the task response criteria.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure overall, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps to keep the essay coherent and easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the one about skydiving in Dubai, strengthens the points made.
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