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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Poor people and those living in the rural areas find it difficult to acess university education. University should make it easy for persons from this background . To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #areas #acess #university #education #persons #background
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Some people believe that
universities
 should lower their enrollment requirements for poor citizens living in rural areas and wanting
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
access to
university
 education. In my opinion, I slightly disagree with
this
 notion and the reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching my conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are a number of disadvantages that will bring to
universities
 and one of the most significant is their standards. To elaborate
further
, it is individuals' responsibility to put their efforts to gain knowledge and pass the minimum requirements of
universities
.
Moreover
, money is not a problem as most
universities
 these days have scholarships for
low profile
Add a hyphen
low-profile
show examples
 families.
For example
, my friend came from a poor family but his ambition and hard work paid off, making him pass the admission exam.
In addition
, he filed a scholarship document to the
university
 and
thus
 he did not need to pay any tuition fees.
Additionally
, another clear drawback is that it will widen the gap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social status in their
university
 lives. To explain in greater detail, poor youngsters might find it hard to make friends with teenagers who come from normal and wealthy families.
Furthermore
, there will be a comparison and distinction between those who come from wealthy and poor communities.
For instance
, in my
university
 life, I noticed that there were two groups of students, one from a poor family which was a petite number compared to the normal and wealthy ones, and the poor were always eating and studying by themselves
while
 the normal ones were going in large groups.
Overall
, it is a fact that lower
university
 standards only offer demerits to poor students. From my perspective, it is better to find other ways to encourage and motivate those learners from poor families to pass the minimum requirements of
universities
.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
The essay could further benefit from addressing potential counterarguments. This will demonstrate a more balanced understanding of the issue, which can enhance the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Try to include more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make the essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and relevant examples that effectively support the main points, illustrating a solid understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with an introduction that clearly states the writer's position, body paragraphs that are focused on specific points, and a conclusion that summarizes the key arguments effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial barriers
  • Tuition fees
  • Accommodation costs
  • Travel expenses
  • Financial aid programs
  • Scholarships
  • Reduced tuition fees
  • Accessibility issues
  • Preparatory resources
  • Internet connectivity
  • Online courses
  • Satellite campuses
  • Outreach programs
  • Career counselling
  • Inclusive admission policies
  • Socio-economic background
  • Holistic review processes
  • Bridge programs
  • Logistical challenges
  • Motivate
  • Guide
  • Disadvantaged backgrounds
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