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Writing Samples
Band 5

Air pollution is one of the largest problems the world is facing today. What are some causes of air pollution and what measures can be proposed to solve this problem?

Recently, one of the biggest challenges the globe is dealing with is pollution in the atmosphere.
This
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 is caused by the
use
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 of fossil
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fuel
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fuels
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 and deforestation.
This
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 problem can be curbed in several ways which
be
Correct your spelling
we
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 discuss in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, one of the main causes of
air
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 contamination is the burning of fossil
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fuel
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fuels
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. Fossil is used by
cars
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 and machines which
emits
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emit
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 carbon monoxide into the atmosphere.
Due to
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 urbanisation, a lot of people own their private
cars
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 because of comfortability.
This
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 has led to more
cars
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 on the road emitting more gases into the environment.
Moreover
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, industries
also
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use
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 fossil
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fuel
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fuels
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 to operate their machines for
production
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the production
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 of goods which generates smoke into the
air
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.
Hence
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, it
deplets
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depletes
deplete
 the ozone layer, leading to global warming.
For instance
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, research conducted by the Environmental Protection Agency in
Ghana
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, in
Ghana
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, indicated that about 70% of
air
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 pollution is caused by the
use
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 of fossil
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fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
.
In addition
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, another cause is the cutting down of
trees
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. Since the population of the world is increasing.
As a result
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, individuals are clearing the forest for agricultural purposes and accommodation.
This
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 has resulted in climate change worldwide.
Furthermore
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, the best way to solve
this
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 issue
by
Add a missing verb
is by
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 using renewable energy resources like the sun and the wind to power
cars
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 and machines which will help to limit the end product of fossil
fuel
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 in the atmosphere.
Also
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, should improve
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 transport system which will encourage citizens to
use
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 it.
This
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 will help to reduce
more
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the number of
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cars
Use synonyms
 on the road. Another way to mitigate
this
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 challenge is re-afforestation.
That is
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 by planting more
trees
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.
According to
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 scientists, plants
absorbed
Wrong verb form
absorb
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 the poisonous gases in the environment which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the
air
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 safe for humans to breathe.
For example
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, in
Ghana
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, the state introduced a project called Green
Ghana
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, where every
Ghanaians
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Ghanaian
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 is supposed to grow a tree every year.
This
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 project has helped in the improvement
in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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air
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 pollution. In conclusion, nowadays,
air
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 contamination which has become a huge problem globally is a result of the usage of fossil
fuel
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 and felling of
trees
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.
This
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 problem can be tackled by utilising renewable energy resources, improving mass transit and planting more
trees
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical connection between sentences and ideas. Ensure smoother transitions for better flow.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, ensure they directly support the main points more closely.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and wording. This can enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the causes and measures to tackle air pollution, demonstrating a balanced approach.
task achievement
You provided specific examples and research to back up your points, which strengthens your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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