IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should only read academic books. Others believe that reading books for pleasure is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #books #pleasure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Society suggests that young
students
Use synonyms
 should explore only subject-oriented
literature
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that
students
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be allowed to read fictional
literature
Use synonyms
.
Subject themed
Add a hyphen
Subject-themed
show examples
literature
Use synonyms
 is a
source
Use synonyms
 of
knowledge
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 it will affect youngsters’ intelligence.
However
Linking Words
,
literature
Use synonyms
 that contains fiction could
also
Linking Words
 make youngsters to be more expressive. Academic
literature
Use synonyms
 contains a plethora of information that could improve young
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, those are
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 that
important
Add a missing verb
are important
show examples
 for
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 the younger generations.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it will increase those generations'
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 insights. Those insights are the biggest contributor to
children
Use synonyms
's intelligence. Studies show that
children
Use synonyms
 who spend their reading time in science
literatures
Change the wording
literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
 20% more than other types of
literature
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 smarter than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others who do the opposite.
That is
Linking Words
 evidence that the youth who spend their time in science-based
literature
Use synonyms
 can improve their
mind
Replace the word
mental
show examples
 ability.
Literature
Use synonyms
 is a
source
Use synonyms
 of
knowledge
Use synonyms
. Reading them, whether for serious matters or for relaxation, can acquire a lot of information. Relaxational
literature
Use synonyms
 usually contains fiction. That
literature
Use synonyms
 usually utilises heavy language
that is
Linking Words
 new for younger societies. Those can be a medium for
students
Use synonyms
 to learn a new language.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, It can improve how well
students
Use synonyms
 express their feelings.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 supported by a social experiment that was recently
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by
popular
Correct article usage
the popular
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 TV show, MTV. They prompted the youngsters to read science-fiction
literature
Use synonyms
 two times a day for a month. Later on, they asked them various questions. It is shown that the
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 who read those are more expressive than regular
children
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
proof of how pleasure-based
literature
Use synonyms
 could help the
students
Use synonyms
 express their minds. In Short, I think
literature
Use synonyms
, whether serious or relaxing, both are equally important. The serious literatures serve as
Use synonyms
source
Correct article usage
a source
show examples
scientific
Change preposition
of scientific
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 the others
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
 as verbal
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Improve grammar and vocabulary to make your arguments clearer and more precise. For example, 'plethora of information' could be improved upon by saying 'a wealth of information.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Dedicate a paragraph for each main point and ensure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This makes your essay more structured and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Provide more comprehensive examples to support your arguments. For instance, instead of broadly mentioning studies, cite specific studies or research papers.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints and offers a balanced perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve to frame the discussion.
Task Achievement
Relevant points are raised regarding the benefits of both academic and pleasure reading, which indicates a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: