Some people think that children should only read academic books. Others believe that reading books for pleasure is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Society suggests that young
students
should explore only subject-oriented
literature
,
whereas
others think that
students
should
also
be allowed to read fictional
literature
.
Subject themed
Add a hyphen
Subject-themed
show examples
literature
is a
source
of
knowledge
,
therefore
it will affect youngsters’ intelligence.
However
,
literature
that contains fiction could
also
make youngsters to be more expressive. Academic
literature
contains a plethora of information that could improve young
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
knowledge
.
In addition
, those are
also
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
of
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
that
important
Add a missing verb
are important
show examples
for
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
the younger generations.
Consequently
, it will increase those generations'
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
insights. Those insights are the biggest contributor to
children
's intelligence. Studies show that
children
who spend their reading time in science
literatures
Change the wording
literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
20% more than other types of
literature
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
smarter than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others who do the opposite.
That is
evidence that the youth who spend their time in science-based
literature
can improve their
mind
Replace the word
mental
show examples
ability.
Literature
is a
source
of
knowledge
. Reading them, whether for serious matters or for relaxation, can acquire a lot of information. Relaxational
literature
usually contains fiction. That
literature
usually utilises heavy language
that is
new for younger societies. Those can be a medium for
students
to learn a new language.
As a consequence
, It can improve how well
students
express their feelings.
This
is
also
supported by a social experiment that was recently
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by
popular
Correct article usage
the popular
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
TV show, MTV. They prompted the youngsters to read science-fiction
literature
two times a day for a month. Later on, they asked them various questions. It is shown that the
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
who read those are more expressive than regular
children
.
That is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
proof of how pleasure-based
literature
could help the
students
express their minds. In Short, I think
literature
, whether serious or relaxing, both are equally important. The serious literatures serve as
source
Correct article usage
a source
show examples
scientific
Change preposition
of scientific
show examples
knowledge
whereas
the others
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
as verbal
knowledge
.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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General
Improve grammar and vocabulary to make your arguments clearer and more precise. For example, 'plethora of information' could be improved upon by saying 'a wealth of information.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Dedicate a paragraph for each main point and ensure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This makes your essay more structured and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Provide more comprehensive examples to support your arguments. For instance, instead of broadly mentioning studies, cite specific studies or research papers.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints and offers a balanced perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve to frame the discussion.
Task Achievement
Relevant points are raised regarding the benefits of both academic and pleasure reading, which indicates a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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