IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetables
Public spaces in many cities are being converted into
gardens
 where local citizens can cultivate their grocery source. Despite the mismanagement that farmers must cope with, a rise in awareness of healthy fruit and improved community solidarity are sufficient to outweigh the drawbacks.             It is crucial to understand that cultivating vegetables in public areas promotes proper cognition regarding healthy
food
. In detail, by applying appropriate irrigation and limiting fertilizer usage, residents can provide organic
food
.
This
 can be a helpful resource for various places adjacent to the cultivated sites.
In addition
, higher quality of cleanliness can satisfy even the strictest criteria, which means that
this
food
 source is widely available for everyone.
As a result
, those who maintain a concrete doubt about organic fruits can raise their awareness, which leads to additional income for urban farmers and contributes to the native economy.             Another key component
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be mentioned is how public
gardens
 play a vital role in enhancing connections between individuals. Potential accessibility in these
gardens
 provides many opportunities for individuals to cultivate seeds together,
thus
 encouraging a sense of unity.
As a result
, there should be a decline in the conflict rate in society
while
 simultaneously enhancing people’s soft skills.            
However
, putting
gardens
 in public areas causes various management problems. In fact, obstacles
such
 as vandalism,
thefts
Fix the agreement mistake
theft
show examples
, and litter are obstacles that urban farmers must cope with if they want to ensure bonus income and local
food
 preservation. Fortunately, numerous regulations are enough to ensure the security and promote productivity in these farms.
Consequently
, inhabitants can keep harvesting and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 their shared farmlands.             In conclusion, social risks can endanger public
gardens
.
However
, authorities can impose several regulations to address these issues, meaning the benefits outweigh the obstacles.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and tangible.
logical structure
Provide a clearer transition between your body paragraphs to ensure the essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next.
supported main points
Expand more on each point to provide a deeper analysis. This will enhance the richness and complexity of your ideas.
complete response
The essay covers all the required points and provides a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, contributing to a well-rounded discussion of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: