IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #tv #entertainment #programmes #aim #viewers
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Nowadays,
TV
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programs
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 have played an important role in our
society
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. A part of the population has the opinion that famous
TV
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 leisure
programs
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 should be to educate
people
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 about important social problems. I totally agree with
this
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 statement, which will be described in the following paragraph before the conclusion is reached.
Firstly
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,
TV
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programmes
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 are one of the most popular parts of social media and
people
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 spend more time in front of the
TV
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. Program teams, which produce the content for
TV
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 shows should be responsible and aim to make
programs
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 more useful and share good content with viewers.
For example
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, if we see the statistics,
people
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 spend 2 hours watching
TV
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 every day and one of the most popular channels is Netflix, which has a lot of good
TV
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programmes
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 for the audience.
As a result
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, viewers understand essential information better through entertainment
TV
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 shows.
Secondly
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, educating
people
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 about the social issues with
TV
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programmes
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 has a beneficial effect on
society
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's psychology.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 a way for citizens to protect themselves.
For example
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, if the channels produced
TV
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programs
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 about emergency situations or social communication it would be useful for many
people
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, especially teenagers.
As a result
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, viewers can use the tips in their real life.
To conclude
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, some
people
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 say that
TV
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 leisure
programmes
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 should aim to educate
society
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 about main social problems and in my opinion,
i
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I
show examples
 believe that as one of the most popular parts of media,
TV
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programmes
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 are most important for our
society
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 and they will be more responsible and share good content.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas by enhancing the linking of paragraphs and use of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened by more explicitly outlining your main arguments in the introduction and summarising them in the conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your main points for a stronger argument.
task achievement
Strive for a complete response to the prompt by fully addressing all parts of the question. Expand your discussion points where necessary to develop a fully comprehensive response.
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