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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the reasons for immigrants to a European country in 2009 and reasons or immigrants from a European country in 2009.

The pie charts show the reasons for immigrants to a European country in 2009 and reasons or immigrants from a European country in 2009.
#show #immigrants #european #country
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The given graphs illustrate the purpose
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 migration from and to a European country in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the primary reasons for
people
Use synonyms
 to immigrate to Europe were to secure a
job
Use synonyms
 and accompany their family,
while
Linking Words
 other reasons were the driving force for emigrants out of
this
Linking Words
 country. It is
also
Linking Words
 worth noticing that rarely did
people
Use synonyms
 move from and to
this
Linking Words
 place for no
reason
Use synonyms
. Regarding the first pie chart, we can see that nearly 20% of
people
Use synonyms
 migrated to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Europe for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 of their family. Closely, following behind were for definite
job
Use synonyms
, looking for
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 and
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
, with a similar figure of 15% of
people
Use synonyms
 considering them as contributing factors
lastly
Linking Words
, the decision to relocate to a European country was made by 7% of
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
no specific
reason
Use synonyms
. Moving on to the second chart,
definite
Add an article
the definite
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 was by far the leading
reason
Use synonyms
 for moving out of Europe with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure of nearly 40%.
Following
Correct article usage
The following
show examples
 was for other
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
, accounting for approximately 25% of all factors. Looking for
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 and making
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 or accompany ranked
third,
Linking Words
with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure of around 15%. Meanwhile,
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
 was shown to be the least significant factor for the relocation (7%), slightly higher than
“no
Correct article usage
the “no
show examples
reason
Use synonyms
” category with only 4%

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, job, reason with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • migration trends
  • vibrant job market
  • foreign talent
  • educational pursuits
  • family reunification
  • seeking asylum
  • safe haven
  • dissatisfaction
  • specialized training
  • quality of life
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • personal factors
  • push and pull factors
  • nuanced understanding
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