Some people say in other to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is said that the government should try to reduce
pollution
in other to prevent illnesses. This
writer agrees with this
statement as it will greatly reduce diseases
.
It must be understood that most diseases
come from pollution
. Water pollution
cause
stomach pain and air Replace the word
causes
pollution
can cause respiratory problems
. If the government can reduce these factors, residents will no longer suffer from these diseases
. What is more, the locals will not have to complain about environmental issues anymore as the air is fresher and water
is clean to drink. Correct article usage
the water
This
can improve life quality, lead
to reducing mental health Correct word choice
and lead
problems
. For example
, in Ho Chi Minh City, air pollution
affects residents heavily. By reducing it, the locals do not have to suffer from breathing problems
anymore.
Another consideration is if the governments can solve housing problems
, there will not be any homeless people living in
the street. They will be less likely to be sick and not spread it to other people, Change preposition
on
moreover
, they can life
a better life and do not have to worry about where to stay and eat. Replace the word
live
Consequently
, they will less
likely to be sick. Add a missing verb
be less
For instance
, in the USA, housing problems
are solved by building more affordable houses. As a result
, there are not many homeless people in the city anymore. Additionally
, hospitals reported that the rate of illnesses decline
over the years.
In conclusion, the government should solve Wrong verb form
declined
pollution
and housing problems
, because this
can dramatically reduce illnesses. Moreover
, when housing
issue is solved, there are not any homeless inhabitants Correct article usage
the housing
spread
Correct pronoun usage
who spread
diseases
any more.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is good, but you can make it stronger by elaborating a bit more on the main points you will discuss in the essay.
logical structure
Your points are generally clear and comprehensive, but sometimes the connections between ideas could be more explicit. Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
relevant specific examples
While you have provided relevant examples, try to make them more specific and directly connected to your points to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
logical structure
You raise two main points (environmental pollution and housing problems) and structure your essay well by discussing these points in separate paragraphs.
relevant specific examples
You provide appropriate examples such as the air pollution problem in Ho Chi Minh City and housing issues in the USA, which help support your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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