IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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The primary aim of
science
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 should be to improve people's lives.
While
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this
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 is a commendable goal, I believe that the value of
science
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 lies in the
pursuit
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 of
knowledge
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 itself, which can lead to broader benefits for humanity.
Firstly
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, it is essential to acknowledge that scientific
advancements
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 can have negative impacts on human
life
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.
For instance
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, the development of nuclear technology has led to the creation of weapons of mass destruction, posing significant threats to global security.
Additionally
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, industrial
advancements
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 have contributed to environmental degradation, affecting the quality of
life
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 for many. These examples highlight that scientific progress is not always synonymous with improving human
life
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.
However
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, the positive contributions of
science
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 cannot be overlooked. Scientific development has significantly promoted cultural and artistic prosperity.
For example
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,
advancements
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 in materials
science
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 have provided artists with new mediums and tools, fostering creativity and innovation in the arts.
Moreover
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, the
pursuit
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 of scientific
knowledge
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 has led to unexpected discoveries that have revolutionised various fields. The discovery of the DNA double helix by James Watson and Francis Crick,
for instance
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, has had a profound impact on biology and medicine, leading to numerous breakthroughs in understanding genetic diseases and developing treatments.
Furthermore
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, the pure
pursuit
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 of
science
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 drives human civilisation forward. Galileo's astronomical observations, which challenged the geocentric model, sparked the scientific revolution and laid the foundation for modern astronomy.
Such
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 pursuits satisfy human curiosity and drive societal progress, demonstrating that the ultimate goal of
science
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 should be to fulfil our quest for
knowledge
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. In conclusion,
while
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 improving people's lives is an important aim of
science
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, its true value lies in the
pursuit
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 of
knowledge
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.
This
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pursuit
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 not only leads to practical benefits but
also
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 drives cultural, artistic, and civilisational
advancements
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, ultimately enriching human
life
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 in multifaceted ways.
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task achievement
You have effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both the potential positive and negative impacts of science on human life. However, to strengthen the task response, consider explicitly stating the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure with a coherent progression of ideas. To enhance coherence even further, consider using more transitional phrases, especially between paragraphs. For example, begin the second paragraph with 'However' to indicate the counter-argument and the third with 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' to signal additional support.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which is excellent. However, make sure the examples are directly tied to your argument. For instance, more specific examples related to the negative impacts of science, like specific cases of environmental degradation, could provide clearer support.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed and clearly present your stance on the topic.
task achievement
The essay is rich with specific examples and demonstrates a deep understanding of the subject matter, particularly in discussing the broader impacts of scientific progress.
task achievement
Your arguments are clearly articulated, and the essay maintains a balanced perspective throughout, providing a nuanced view of the value of science.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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