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Band 7

Many things that use to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

#home #hands #machines #development
A lot of things that years ago were done manually are now done by some machinery. In my opinion, I believe it has more advantages than disadvantages because of the accuracy that can be achieved by a machine.
Therefore
, from my perspective, the implementation of equipment has made our lives easier, as illustration thanks to
this
 technology nowadays the industry is more productive than ever, the job is less heavy for the employees and there are better ways of controlling the quality of the production, and not only in the industry but
also
 in our homes we can enjoy of many benefits that came
along with
 the uses of certain instruments, as it is the washing machine, the dryer, the oven, the microwave, just naming a few. All these are important instruments in our daily
routin
Correct your spelling
routine
routines
 that have made our domestic chores much simpler.
On the contrary
, it is considered by some people that the implementation of machines is not
such
 a great idea, because now the employees are disposable, as an example we can take a look at the study that was made at the University of Madrid in 2022 that showed that almost a 40% of the people who were working at that time in the industry could be replaced by robots.
This
 is undoubtedly very alarming given the rising rates of unemployment that it could cause.
To conclude
, I have no doubt that these tools have impacted our society in many different aspects, mostly in a positive way, but we can not allow ourselves to forget that technology is nothing without the humanity behind it.
Submitted by otiyog on

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task achievement
Your essay contains a clear position and responds to the task adequately. However, ensure that each idea is fully expanded to increase depth. For example, provide more specific examples illustrating how machines improve quality control and productivity.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesiveness by clearly separating ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main point, with logical connectors guiding readers through transitions between ideas. This will make your argumentation clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your concluding sentence reiterates your thesis in a more explicit way. This will help drive home your main argument and create a more impactful ending.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the study from the University of Madrid, to support arguments. These examples add credibility to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps shape the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
The points raised are relevant to the prompt and show a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Manual labor
  • Displacement
  • Homemaking skills
  • Technological advancements
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Resource depletion
  • Energy efficiency
  • Social dynamics
  • Operational understanding
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