Some people think that younger people are not suitable for important positions in government. Others think that it will be a good idea for younger people to take on these positions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
assert that the young generation
is inappropriate for significant roles in government
while
others think that it will be a good situation for younger people
to take on their positions. There is a persuasive agreement that more and more young people
should participate in crucial positions within the government
.
Firstly
, people
with long work histories tend to have deeper insights when it comes to decision-making,
because they have encountered similar problems in the past and are more likely to lead a governmental organization with a practical approach. It takes time to gain industry-specific knowledge and develop soft skills required for leaders, Remove the comma
apply
such
as conflict management, public speaking, and motivating employees. It would be almost impossible to require a junior officer to obtain all these credentials with little experience. Furthermore
, a great proportion of governmental organisations follow the unwritten rules of traditional seniority, which promotes employees according to
seniority. Selecting young leaders will violate this
norm, affecting the office dynamics detrimentally.
One
the other hand, increasing the extent of the Correct your spelling
On
generation
gap is more accepted as a serious problem in modren
society. Correct your spelling
modern
For example
, in Korea, the government
is struggling with the young generation
with problems with housing, employment and so on. This
is because they don't understand young people
's issues well enough, as the Korean government
tends to form political groups primarily consisting of the older generation
. Thus
, to decrease the generation
gap and solve issues, accepting young people
in government
positions.
In conclusion, while
some people
argue that young people
don't do well in important work about government
, the benefits of reducing the generation
gap strongly support the idea of giving a position to young people
. I believe that young people
know their own situations and problems while
the other generation
can't catch them.Submitted by kopopig on
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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, ensure that your essay is comprehensive and provides well-rounded arguments on both sides. Currently, the essay provides a good starting point but lacks specific examples and some detailed explanations for the points raised.
coherence cohesion
Improving your coherence and cohesion involves making your ideas flow more smoothly. Use more signposting language, like ‘Additionally’, ‘Moreover’, and ‘Conversely’, to better connect your paragraphs and the points within them.
coherence cohesion
You've done well by having an introduction and conclusion, which adds to the structure of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides logical arguments for both sides of the discussion, which showcases a balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
Your introduction successfully outlines the two viewpoints, setting the stage for a balanced discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?