IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationship. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationship
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It is often said that
the
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apply
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modern
technology
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 for
communication
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 is harmful to public
relationships
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.
This
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 writer believes that it is not true
due to
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 the reason of keeping in touch via social platforms and can be a valuable resource to make new
friends
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. It must be understood that that people can talk with their
friends
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 despite far distance of modern
communication
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technology
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.
In other words
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, people use social media in order to strengthen their
bond
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bonds
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 of
relationships
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.
As a consequence
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, people can keep in touch thanks to the modern
technology
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.
For example
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, in Vietnam, many residents use Zalo as a form to get in touch with their
friends
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due to
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 its function of adding
friends
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 autonomously.
Thus
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, social platforms can be a way to keep the relationship among the users. Another point worth considering is that modern
communication
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technology
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 can act as a platform to make new
friends
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.
This
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 means that
,
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 we can spread our
relationships
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 with new
friends
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 on the Internet.
As a result
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, we can expand our association with the
friends
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 of our mates. Take Facebook as an example, there is
atask
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a task
task
 that allows us to know the
friends
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 of our
friends
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, so we can expand our association.
Hence
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, social media can be a resource for us to make new
friends
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. In conclusion, social platforms can play a role in improving
communication
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 and making new
friends
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.
Furthermore
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, modern
communication
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technology
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 is not harmful towards public
relationships
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.

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task achievement
Although the essay presents a clear position, aim to provide a more balanced view by addressing potential counterarguments. This would demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking and task response.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can affect clarity. Proofreading and making use of complex sentence structures can improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the writer's standpoint easily.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as Zalo and Facebook, to illustrate points makes the essay convincing and relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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