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Band 7

Nowadays more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the adventages of this trend for individuals overweigh its disadventages for the environment?

#people #cars #adventages #trend #individuals #overweigh #disadventages #environment
These days, a great number of
people
 own their own
cars
, which has become a concerning issue in many parts of the world. I believe that the disadvantages of
this
 trend outweigh the advantages,
due to
 environmental and traffic problems. On the one hand, there are several reasons to support the view that owning a personal car has positive effects on citizens.
Firstly
, as more
people
 purchase their private
cars
, many individuals experience greater convenience in their lives.
For instance
, one significant positive impact is that
people
 with disabilities can travel to places they could not visit in the past. In short, there is no doubt that having a personal car enhances
people
's mobility and freedom.
On the other hand
, I suggest that there are significant drawbacks to
this
 phenomenon because it brings crucial problems to society.
To begin
 with, environmental pollution is a major issue caused by personal
cars
, which contribute significantly to air pollution.
According to
 academic research, air pollution has become a primary concern since the invention of
cars
, as they use fossil fuels and emit exhaust gases.
Moreover
, traffic congestion is a serious concern. In the same vein, most
people
 spend a considerable amount of their commute time on the road, leading to wasted time.
Therefore
, it seems to me that the disadvantages have more significant impacts on the public, as these negative effects affect the entire society, not just individuals. In conclusion,
this
 issue is complex, with pros and cons for both perspectives.
Although
cars
 have made our lives more convenient, I believe that the negative effects outweigh the positive aspects.
Hence
,
people
 should make an effort to reduce
this
 phenomenon by using public transportation rather than relying on their own
cars
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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task achievement
Ensure to expand a bit more on the advantages of using personal cars and provide a balanced perspective. This will make the argument more comprehensive and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Strive to maintain a balance between cohesion and readability by using varied linking words and phrases. This will help in making the essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, with relevant main points supported by examples.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are logically structured and well-organized, making it easy to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
task achievement
The task response is complete, addressing both advantages and disadvantages, and the ideas are clearly articulated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adventages
  • disadventages
  • trend
  • individuals
  • overweigh
  • environment
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • transportation
  • time-saving
  • efficient
  • commuting
  • independence
  • freedom
  • travel
  • ownership
  • status
  • employment opportunities
  • automobile industry
  • air pollution
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • climate change
  • traffic congestion
  • loss of green spaces
  • wildlife habitats
  • dependence
  • fossil fuels
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