Some people think it is better for children to have many short holidays during the academic year. Others believe that it would be beneficial to have fewer and longer vacations for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, people are aware of mental health issues in
children
, which may be caused by intense
study
time. Some individuals argue that the implementation of fewer long breaks is better than frequent short
holidays
. In
this
essay, I will examine both views and the extent to which I do not completely agree with
this
statement.
To begin
with, fewer long vacations ensure a more focused academic prospect. The younger population can develop deeply their hobbies and interests regarding non-academic aspects.
In addition
, kids have longer days to
study
their subjects, which will make them more focused academically. For illustration, in Singapore, students have longer
study
time,
while
the government implemented "Full-day School". It means that students have to go to school from Monday to Friday, for 8 hours each day.
Consequently
, we can see that Singaporean kids have the best score on the PISA.
On the contrary
, short breaks allow
children
to relax and recharge, preventing burnout and stress accumulation.
Instead
of fewer long
holidays
, frequent short breaks can offer a more balanced lifestyle for
children
. As kids already experience burnout by studying for 8 hours, they can release the accumulated stress by playing with friends or doing hobbies. As an example, in Indonesia, there are schools which allow pupils to attend from Sunday to Saturday, with fewer
study
time hours. Basically, the students in these schools have the best scores, even without the implementation of longer
holidays
. All things considered, I believe that people should consider both the pros and cons of having fewer long
holidays
. It can not be implemented fully in certain areas without considering the characteristics of
children
.
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task achievement
Aim to further develop your viewpoints by adding more analysis or explanations, especially in the second body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly with a variety of linking words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your discussion well.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples from Singapore and Indonesia to illustrate points, enhancing the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic year
  • short holidays
  • long vacations
  • recharge and relax
  • preventing burnout
  • consistent academic engagement
  • consolidate learning
  • working parents
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extended rest and recovery
  • stress accumulation
  • travel or plan major activities
  • explore hobbies
  • internships
  • volunteer work
  • focused academic calendar
  • intense period of learning
  • curriculum completion
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