Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way to reduce air pollution. Others think there are more effective way to do this.
Most citizens claim that prohibiting vehicle use in a
day
can effectively clean the air
, while
others suggest that there are other alternatives. While
that prohibition leads to better air
condition effectively, other policies are not as effective as that. Because of that, I think vehicle prohibition once weekly is the best way to increase the environment's health.
The vehicle-free day
serves as an action to improve the overall
environment’s air
aspect. Moreover
, that policy also
could be paralleled with other actions. Activities such
as jogging and cycling are usually being done by people on that. As a result
, many people are not using vehicles that harm the environment as they prefer for jogging or cycling. Therefore
, it will reduce the amount of pollution in those days. That was proven by government research on air
elements on a sample of one car-free day
and its effect on society in 2017. Research shows that the air
quality was improved to 2.1 out of 10 on a scale of the global air
pollution index. In addition
, citizens' lung capacity was also
increased by 70% from daily averages. But the important thing is, this
is the evidence that this
movement
improves air
quality.
Where there are plenty of acts other than traffics-free days that are being conducted by governments, most of them are more focused on reducing the traffic instead
of on the environment's health. Thus
, they are not as effective as that. Additionally
, other operations were more related to traffic than environmental issues, making other healthy activities could not be done at the same time. As a result
, they are not as effective as the first movement
. To compare that, research was done by the World Health Organization to find the most efficient movement
among others such
as 3 in-1, odd-even policy, etc. It shows that the vehicle-free movement
is 50% above them. Hence
it shows that the action is the most efficient among them. As a consequence
, that experiment makes me think other activities are not as effective as that, making that suggestion wrong.
In short, a car-free day
movement
is an efficient way to improve overall
air
trait. Whilst other exercises were focused on the traffic, the car-free day
was not. Ergo, it makes me think other citizens' claims are wrong.Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are clearly and logically presented. Some of the points are not fully fleshed out, and it's a bit unclear why you believe other policies are less effective.
task achievement
Work on your grammar and phrasing to ensure your points are clear and concise. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased. For example, 'prohibiting vehicle use in a day can effectively clean the air' could be rephrased to 'prohibiting vehicle use for a day can significantly improve air quality.'
task achievement
Use relevant specific examples to strengthen your argument. The essay cites a study from 2017 but doesn't provide enough detail about the study or other examples to fully support the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to ensure smooth flow of ideas. For instance, the shift from the car-free day to other policies could be made more seamless.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making the argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You have utilized a study as a supporting point, which is a good way to enhance the credibility of your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?