IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#trend #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #people #individuals #society
Reporting mainly problems and emergencies with fewer positive aspects has become mainstream in recent years and a selection of individuals thought that it
will provide
Wrong verb form
would have
show examples
 negative effects on our communities. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
 notion and my supportive reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are several merits of broadcasting those matters and one of the most significant is that it can raise awareness in society. To elaborate
further
, people will gain more experience and knowledge about the harmful effects that these issues will offer on their lives.
Moreover
,
this
news
 will encourage and nudge the public to find ways to tackle and cope with them. An apt illustration of
this
 is that in Thailand these days, there are a lot of cybercrimes
such
 as scammers, fake call centres, etc. and
therefore
 when
news
 on TV broadcasts about these crimes frequently, citizens will grasp
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their methods and
then
 easily avoid being scammed.
Additionally
, another reason to support my notion is that they are good life lessons for the younger generations. To explain in greater detail, children do not have much experience
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 these circumstances and situations;
hence
, reporting them will help youngsters gain more knowledge.
Furthermore
, parents can teach them to distinguish between good and bad actions or behaviour by giving examples from problems and emergencies. To specifically demonstrate, my aunt always teaches his 9-year-old son
while
 they are watching
news
 on television together which one will bring upsides or drawbacks to communities.
In addition
, if his child encounters frauds or scams on the
news
, what he
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 to do to get away from situations
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 All in all, there are a number of citizens
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that broadcasting media now focus on a number of issues that will contribute to plenty of disadvantages to society. From my viewpoint, I disagree with
this
 matter as it can help and boost awareness of individuals in our communities;
as well as
, it plays a vital part in teaching life lessons to the new generations.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Ensure that all claims are backed up by relevant examples or evidence to further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the content is generally clear, strive to make your supporting points more distinctly connected to the main thesis to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded and complete response to the prompt, addressing potential positive effects of media focus on problems and emergencies.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas have been provided, with relevant and specific examples used to support these ideas.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident, with clear transitions between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively outline and summarize the key points of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pessimistic outlook
  • exposed to negative news
  • stress and anxiety
  • success stories
  • balanced reporting
  • well-informed public
  • rational decisions
  • sense of helplessness
  • apathy
  • skew public perception
  • mistrust in institutions
  • enhance well-being
  • mental health
  • manipulate public opinion
  • serve specific agendas
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