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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the internet has transformed the way information is shared and consume, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. what are the most serious problems a sociated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest

#internet #information
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Currently, the
internet
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 is part of human lives, because we are able to gain and share any information there.
However
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, the
internet
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 has many disadvantages for humans if we are not able to manage how to use the
internet
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 in a good way.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems created by the
internet
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 and how to solve them.
To begin
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 with,
besides
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 the advantages of the
internet
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, there are many negative impacts of using the
internet
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 over
time
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. First of all, using the
internet
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 in a wide range and long-term is able to make someone become addicted because they feel convenient and do that over
time
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.
Therefore
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, they forget something more important they should do.
For instance
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, most teenagers are trapped in comfortable play when they are playing online games with their friends.
Therefore
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, they forget to finish the homework from the teacher.
Besides
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, most people find scam links that come as short messages on their phones in
order
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 to hack privacy.
As a result
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, most individuals who do not know about
this
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 case lose their money in the bank.
On the other hand
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, there are several solutions to do in
order
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 to prevent the cases above.
Firstly
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, parents are able to limit the
time
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 teenagers for accessing the
internet
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 in
order
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 to prevent their children from becoming addicted.
For instance
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, the parents can turn on the wifi at certain times
such
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 as from 16.00 to 18.00 o'clock and 20.00 to 22.00 o'clock before sleeping times in
order
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 to minimize the risk of children becoming addicted.
Secondly
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, to avoid scam links that become to mobile phones, a person should educate their family more carefully accessing unknown links that spread on social media in
order
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 to avoid personal data being stolen. In conclusion, the
internet
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 has many impacts on humans not only generating the advantages
such
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 as gaining and sharing more information but
also
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 bringing the disadvantages
such
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 as addiction and losing personal data. I believe parents should invest in play
time
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 management of their kids and education about the bad impact of the
internet
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.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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introduction
The introduction is effective in setting the context, but it can be more concise. Try to delineate the structure of the essay right from the beginning.
clarity
Some points need further development, especially in the body paragraphs. Be sure to elaborate on the solutions and problems more comprehensively.
cohesion
The essay should have a better use of linking phrases and cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. Adding more linking words will contribute to a stronger cohesion.
conclusion
The conclusion is fairly strong but could restate the main points a bit more effectively. Summarizing the main arguments succinctly would leave a stronger impression.
task achievement
The essay identifies both problems and solutions clearly, which is essential for the task response.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as monitoring teenagers' internet use and educating about scam links, is appropriate and relevant.
cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear start and finish to the essay, contributing to coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • phishing
  • identity theft
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • social isolation
  • internet addiction
  • data privacy
  • digital literacy
  • regulations
  • awareness programs
  • manipulate
  • proliferation
  • consent
  • escalated
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