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Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more developing countries are expanding their tourist industries. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive development?

#countries #tourist #industries #reason #development
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Tourism has recently attracted attention all around the world.
This
Linking Words
 is why the
tourist
Use synonyms
 industry has been becoming an up-and-coming matter in some developing countries. There seem to be two main reasons, and a number of effects, which we will discuss here. Possibly the main reason for the ever-increasing focus on
such
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 areas in third-world nations is its economic effects. It is undeniable that vacationists need to spend money to fulfil their desire to visit a place. Examples to illustrate
this
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 are expenditures like accommodation, transportation, eating, and doing other activities depending on the place they travel. They,
therefore
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, have to bring money and use it which means more turnover to locals. A
further
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 well-known motivation to expand the vacation industry
,
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apply
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 might be cultural causes. Third-world countries tend to show their civilizations and histories to the rest of the world. To do so, some special events are held in
tourist
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 places. a classic example is the exhibit which is placed in Kashan, a city in Iran, called "Golab Giri" which is a tradition of Iranians to extract flower juice. The effects of
this
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 matter on the local society can be quite significant.
Firstly
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, the money being injected in order for vocational purposes could increase the revenue of indigenous people bringing about higher levels of welfare.
Furthermore
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, unemployment would become rare
due to
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 the demand for human resources to administer
tourist
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 areas. A living example is a city near the border in Iran called "Jolfa", having a lot of historical venues to offer, which used to suffer from the lack of occupation and income. But with the expansion of holidaymaking in
this
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 area, people live better. A
further
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 widely observed impact is the attempt to preserve ancient places and rituals. When the value of traditions and history of a country are being appreciated by both people and government for the attraction of holidaymakers and creation of good picture around the world, they would try harder to keep them from being lost.
Overall
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, monetary improvements and cultural introductions seem to be the main motivations for a third-world country to invest more in the
tourist
Use synonyms
 industry affecting individuals' welfare and appreciation of its rituals.
Submitted by h.safaralizade on

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task achievement
Your task response is strong, as you have clearly addressed both parts of the question. However, consider expanding a bit more on whether this development is positive or negative to add depth to your response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is coherent and logically structured, making it easy for readers to follow your argument. To further improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you can improve the concluding sentence of paragraphs to better summarize the idea before moving on to the next point.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is well-crafted, setting a clear context for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a well-defined logical structure that enhances the readability of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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