Some people think that success in life comes from hard-work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance, Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #hard-work #determination #factors #money #appearance

In modern life, money is increasingly trending. The majority of people believe that money is one of the aspects that lead to success

while

there are others who have the view that a successful living which is results in hard work and resoluteness.

This

essay will elaborate on both their advantages and disadvantages and summarise the writer’s opinion.

Initially

, almost all great things in the world come from property. Being wealthy may make somebody from nameless to be well-known.

In addition

, having good fortune means there will be more opportunities to pursue the ideal life, and

also

have a high-quality of the level of educational background.

Moreover

, we can not deny that a person’s appearance is a main factor in being successful in some sectors. Take Harlan Sanders as a good example, who decided to try franchising their KFC concept across the US.

As a result

, it was a success and he quickly became a multimillionaire ,

also

his wealth is still known until now. Turning to the other side of the argument, hard work and determination are

also

the qualities which lend a hand to the individuals to lead to their achievements.

To begin

with, passion in some sectors will give people the power to overcome difficulties and reach their failure.

Furthermore

, there will be more value in the career if the employee works with enthusiasm.

Hence

, the experiences that are gained from the verve in the job will be more valuable than payment cannot help to buy it.

To conclude

, there are a large number of individuals who decide their lives by using money

whereas

others tend to try hard to reach their dream existence. From my perspective, backbreaking work will be a great motivation for people to follow their own success.

Submitted by [email protected] on Sun Jun 02 2024

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task achievement

To strengthen your argument, consider diving deeper into examples that support your points. For instance, providing more details on how Sanders' appearance played a role would enrich the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Work on avoiding minor grammatical errors to ensure the essay reads more smoothly. For example, 'Being wealthy may make somebody from nameless to be well-known' could be refined for better clarity.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, which can then be expanded with supportive details. This will help in maintaining a logical structure.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure the argument well.

task achievement

You have provided relevant examples and points to support both sides of the argument.

task achievement

The ideas are comprehensively discussed, giving the essay depth.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard-work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance, Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

you are applying for a job and need a letter if reference. Write a letter to a former teacher. In your letter: Give details of the job Explain why it is important to you Suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference

in some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live it. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Walking is known to be beneficial for health yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reason for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?