IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people think the fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #food #companies #right
Many proponents insist that a majority of fast
food
 stores ought to be restricted in the usage of social media networks in order to make advertisements
due to
 the fact that
this
 kind of
food
 is harmful to people's health.
However
, others argue that it is essential to provide equal rights to all entrepreneurs, including junk
food
 advertising possibility.
This
 essay will attempt to investigate both the above-mentioned viewpoints, detrimental and beneficial perspectives and
then
 I will present my personal solution. On the one hand,
according to
 some individual's arguments, fast
food
 is accurately unhealthy and advertising it is irresponsible.
This
 up-to-date trend may definitely lead to negative circumstances for the whole society, especially for children. To be more precise, the young generation is unable to differentiate the drawbacks and benefits of the regular consumption of fast
food
.
For instance
, whenever young learners see any commercials using IT devices, they run to pester their parents to purchase fast
food
 products.
Additionally
, as it can be observed, there is a tight link between fast
food
 consumption and obesity among young people. So, in order to save juveniles health authorities have to ban advertising targeted at young children.
On the other hand
, some individuals disagree with strict regulation towards advertising companies.
Then
, despite the fact that there are a number of detrimental effects of fast
food
 advertisement, it is unacceptable to restrict
such
 types of organisations in advertising.
Moreover
,
according to
 the politics of government, freedom of choice is one of the key principles of a democratic society. To summarise,
nevertheless
, there are two different controversial points regarding the above-mentioned issue, I am firmly convinced that the advertising of fast
food
 items has accurately to be monitored by authorities in order to ensure safety and minimize the negative impact of junk
food
 products on society.
Submitted by akhmedova.mb on

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coherence cohesion
Work on expanding and clearly differentiating ideas in each paragraph to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Revise sentences to avoid occasional awkward phrasing and ensure smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully developed with clear and specific examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Clarify your stance and provide a more detailed personal opinion backed with specific reasoning.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument well, reflecting a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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