IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Buying things on internet such as books air ticket and groceries is becoming more and more popular .Do advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantage.

#internet #books #air #ticket #groceries
Purchasing things
such
 as books air tickets, groceries, etc. on online platforms via the Internet has become mainstream these days. From my perspective,
this
 notion brings positive aspects more than negative ones and my support reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are tons of benefits that buying online offers to customers and one of the most significant is it fast and easy to pay. To explain in greater detail, individuals can purchase things from any time and anywhere at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 click of a button.
Furthermore
, there are no mistakes of price miscalculation by using online payment methods as it shows total prices before arriving payment methods. An apt illustration of
this
 is
last
 month, I used
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
 application, Shopee, to buy my leather briefcase which originated from Singapore and when I was arriving at the conclusion procedure before payment. Fortunately, I realised that its price was higher than on the webpage and
therefore
 I texted their shop assistants asking for help.
Additionally
, another clear upside is people can be able to refund their items easily. To elaborate
further
, the online method always provides customers with clear and concise buying
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
such
 as receipts, purchasing dates, details, etc.
Moreover
, buyers do not need to go to shops and have disputes or conflicts with shop assistants. To specifically demonstrate, one of my friends bought his trainers from Shopee and a retailer sent him the wrong size
as well as
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 colour, making him feel mad and insatisfied.
Hence
, he decided to voice a complaint to
this
 shop and asked them for a refund, with full of
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 (date, price and details).
At the end
 of the day, it is undeniable that online shopping has become popular in recent years. From my viewpoint,
this
 matter will only bring advantages to communities as people can buy items quickly and easily;
besides
, they will get clear and obvious evidence if they get wrong orders.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as "insatisfied" instead of "dissatisfied." Refining your grammar will enhance your essay's clarity and professionalism.
Conciseness
In some places, your sentences could be made more concise. For instance, "To specifically demonstrate" could be simply "For example."
Examples
You provide clear and relevant supporting examples for your main points, such as your personal experience with Shopee and your friend’s trainer purchase.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Task Response
You address both advantages and some potential issues related to online shopping, providing a balanced view while ultimately supporting your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Digital marketplace
  • Online transaction
  • Cybersecurity
  • Fraudulent websites
  • Convenience
  • Variety
  • Flexibility
  • Price comparison
  • Customer review
  • Return policy
  • Brick-and-mortar store
  • Physical inspection
  • Data breach
  • Economic impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: