IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

New forms of money are becoming extremely popular nowadays. Is this a positive development or adding risk to the system? Should new money technology face greater regulation and scrutiny? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the past decade, there has been an ongoing debate about the impact of new forms of
money
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such
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 as cryptocurrencies.
This
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 essay will highlight the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of integrating them into the monetary system and the need to apply global regulation towards its existence.
Firstly
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, a new form of
money
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 poses a benefit of giving better payment access worldwide. It allows people from every nation to be economically connected without limitations appearing on traditional currency.
Additionally
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, the value of the currency is more stable since there are few to zero political and social issues affecting it.
For instance
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, cryptocurrency holders in Iran can have an immediate transaction with sellers from Japan at a certain currency value despite Iran’s geopolitical situation.
On the other hand
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, stricter laws to govern the usage of
this
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 new financial
technology
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 should be comprehensively implemented to ensure safety. The threats associated with its security are ubiquitous, and potentially lead to greater criminal issues affecting the global monetary system.
Further
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 detrimental impact might result in diminishing trust from people towards new
technology
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, which could stop new inventions in the future.
For example
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, if the usage of crypto
technology
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 is not well regulated which results in a case of fictitious transaction, people will lose hope and hinder them from using another type of new payment in the next generation. In conclusion, new
money
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technology
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 leads to borderless payment access that potentially brings more benefits to future generations.
However
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, there must be stricter regulations for its safety and to maintain people’s trust in the
money
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 system.

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses all parts of the task but could benefit from deeper exploration in discussing how new forms of money might disrupt traditional financial systems.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but there could be more depth and complexity, especially in contrasting positive and negative aspects of new money forms.
task achievement
While examples are relevant, including a wider variety of examples from more diverse contexts would strengthen the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is very clear, but try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, providing even clearer connections between points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, but could benefit from a stronger statement about the future of money technology.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the debate and presents two main points for discussion, which effectively frames the essay.
task achievement
The use of a specific example regarding the geopolitical situation in Iran strengthens your argument about the benefits of new money forms.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with clear introductions and conclusions to each argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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