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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?

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It is widely recognised that a new
language
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 should be invented to connect
people
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 around the
world
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.
While
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this
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 trend has certain merits , they are still outweighed by its demerits. Admittedly, the benefits of international
language
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 will bring positive changes to our lives.
Firstly
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, using international
language
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 will provide more opportunities for citizens from different ethnic groups, to share their cultural heritage and technological advancements together. Because, if we use the same
language
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 over the
world
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, we won't meet any
language
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 barriers which prevent
people
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 from communicating together.
Moreover
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,
people
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 will gain more job opportunities, because we likely don't need any
language
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 certificates like IELTS or HSK to apply to international companies, which have high salaries or good employee benefits.
However
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, I would agree that the advantages are outweighed by its disadvantages. First of all, illiteracy will uncontrollably increase around the
world
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, especially in underprivileged countries. Because there are numerous
people
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 who cannot access education, they will be the ones left behind in the rapidly developing society.
For instance
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, in many poor areas, there are a lot of
people
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, specifically the elderly, who don't have a chance to continue their studies,
due to
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 family financial issues and illness.
Moreover
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, creating a new
language
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 and forcing everyone to use it like their mother tongue will be disapproved
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of by
show examples
by
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of by
show examples
 many residents from around the
world
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.
Due to
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 the important role of the national
language
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 with the local
people
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,
this
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 action will receive major encouraged feedback. One clear piece of evidence is that in China, to avoid the expansion of English, many top universities in
this
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 country simultaneously abolished English subjects from their educational system. In conclusion, I believe that the drawbacks of inventing a new
language
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 surpass the benefits.
Due to
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 the warning of illiteracy condition and disapproval from citizens.

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coherence cohesion
Your structure could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Using more cohesive devices can help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Some points could be elaborated further for clarity. Providing additional examples or explanations can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question effectively, covering both the advantages and disadvantages of inventing a new language.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • International communication
  • Cultural unity
  • Trade and business facilitation
  • Language barriers
  • Global education systems
  • International diplomacy
  • Political negotiations
  • Linguistic and cultural identities
  • Resistance
  • Native languages
  • Implementation challenges
  • Vocabulary and grammar rules
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