IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe holding sports events are too expensive, such as olympic games,and the world cup. But others think in opponent way. Discuss both opinion, and give your own view.

#people #sports #events #olympic #games #world #cup #opponent
Hosting International tournaments
such
 as the Olympic games and the World Cup costs a fortune to organize these days.
While
 some individuals opined that they are too costly, others have the opposite view.
However
, I think holding
such
 peacekeeping and unifying competitions is not a mere waste of money as they are important in creating inter-border bonding, and
this
 essay will consider both views.
To begin
 with, the people who are anti-world sporting events might have believed that the money spent on organizing these events is too expensive for a few reasons. One is that it actually takes a lot of investments to make them happen, and these figures are always available online for public consumption,
hence
 these outrageous amounts could have been spent on something else.
For instance
, more than ten billion dollars was spent on the 2022 Qatar World Cup. Another one is that only a few countries eventually participate in them.
This
 means that many other nations that couldn't qualify from the group stage won't make it to the final occasion,
hence
, the purpose of involving every nationality is defeated. Meanwhile, just like every other entity that has a supporting view, I agree with the fact that these games are beyond the money spent as they are key in promoting peace across the world. Just like the recently concluded European 2024 Cup activities hosted in Germany, it was able to unite all European countries that participated, especially among the fans who travelled to Berlin.
Additionally
,
such
 an event helps to generate income for the hosting country.
Therefore
, the greater benefits of these sporting competitions are incomparable to their monetary worth. In conclusion,
while
 both views are valid, I would suggest in future, they should be limited to each continent as it will make it more inclusive for every nationality without missing anyone out.
Submitted by peteromisakin on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and generally supports your position with valid examples and arguments. However, you should try to include a little more detail and develop your ideas further for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing to ensure your essay reads smoothly. For instance, "many other nations that couldn't qualify from the group stage won't make it to the final occasion" can be phrased as "many other nations that do not qualify from the group stage do not make it to the final event." This will improve overall clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay by presenting both viewpoints and stating your position. This helps in creating a logical structure for your essay.
task achievement
You have presented the main points clearly and supported them with relevant examples, such as mentioning the cost of the Qatar World Cup and the European Cup's role in promoting peace.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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