Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?
In recent years, there
are
many Wrong verb form
have been
people
who have more excessive weight than ever before. This
essay will discuss some reasons why this
has occurred and examine the consequences of this
worrying trend.
The main cause of this
reason is the aggressive marketing of unhealthy foods. It means that,
there are a wide variety of junk food advertisements along streets outside and on the internet. It attracts Remove the comma
apply
people
to buy more foods that contain high-sugar, oil and high-calorie products. Furthermore
, the modern lifestyle
involves less physical activity due to
desk jobs, long commutes, and increased screen time . As a result
, people
get obese because of a sedentary lifestyle
. For instance
, the USA is at the top of the list among people
who suffer from excessive weight.
The effect of this
has been and will continue to be very serious. It is a fact that there is a big chance of getting diabetes or heart disease because of wrong nutrition, especially, if it is made of junk food. Furthermore
, people
may have serious health issues such
as bone aches or constant headaches as well as
psychological problems due to
a sedentary lifestyle
. As a result
, humanity will face obesity, if they do not follow a healthy diet and maintain an active lifestyle
. As an example, according to
the United Nations, diabetes is the most widespread type of disease among obese people
.
To sum up
, many and many people
get obese from day to day. It is caused by a lack of physical activity and a
good marketing of unhealthy foods that can lead to serious consequences Remove the article
apply
such
as heart disease and diabetes, psychological and health issues.Submitted by burtebaeva02 on
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task achievement
Try to elaborate further on how the aggressive marketing directly impacts individuals' choices and behaviors to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is smooth transitioning between sentences and paragraphs for better flow and coherence.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific data or studies to strengthen the points made about the sedentary lifestyle and its relationship to obesity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Main points are relevant and supported with specific examples such as mentioning the USA and statistics from the United Nations.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?