In many countries traditional customs are being lost. Why do you think this is? What can parents and schools do to keep traditional customs alive?
The vanishing of traditional and cultural
customs
is an issue in many countries. In this
essay, I will discuss why this
phenomenon happens and suggest ways in which families and educational systems can mitigate these changes to preserve culture.
To begin
, the erosion of ancient heritage has stemmed from technological advancements. In particular
, the advent of the internet and the dominance in the multimedia industry by influential streaming platforms have resulted in international cultural homogenization. For example
, there are some global streaming services, including Netflix and YouTube, which provide commercial products that are suitable to the global citizens' tastes. These products have provided dubbing versions in many nations that allow Indigenous to understand their movie content. Consequently
, the prevalence of these global products has led to cultural unification because more and more people can watch spiritual practices
over serial shows. A report has shown that Asia nations have removed their local Lunar New Year event and chosen Western New Year's Eve due to
cultural homogenization.
On the other hand
, to mitigate this
phenomenon, schools should teach children about local traditions in the classes and provide them a chance to participate in practical sacred customs
. By teaching them about the value, purpose and meaning of these traditional activities in visual presentation, while
combining the actual experience in extra-curricular trips, learners could understand the importance of cultural practices
conservation.
Additionally
, parents should sustain their customs
and traditions, while
introducing simultaneously their children to the importance of keeping traditional lifestyles. Parents could reserve a family ticket to a traditional art performance, allowing juveniles to watch the beauty of these practices
. This
event inspires intensively juveniles and encourages them to self-discover the rest of traditional practices
. Therefore
, they are aware of the importance of these festival events, and they will contribute their hands to stifle the cultural eroding. For example
, In VietNam, many Buddhists have volunteered to donate their assets or money to construct a divine pagoda, which will allow the community to persist in conducting their spiritual performance.
To conclude
, the disappearance of some traditional customs
was caused by the development of technology. This
problem could be mitigated by parents and school collaboration.Submitted by lenam2k1 on
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task response
While the essay presents relevant arguments and examples, you can enhance your task response by adding more specific examples or case studies to back up your points more convincingly.
task response
Try to avoid small grammatical errors and awkward expressions, such as 'allow Indigenous'. Instead, you can use 'allow local people' to increase clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph follows a clear structure, presenting a single main idea supported by relevant details. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument effectively.
logical structure
The use of logical connectors and transitional phrases helps maintain a logical flow between your ideas and paragraphs.
supported main points
You effectively balanced discussing both the reasons for the loss of traditional customs and potential solutions to address the problem.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example