In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

Urbanization has happened in many nations regardless of their economic scale. From my perspective, the desire of individuals to access greater opportunities is the foremost reason behind
this
phenomenon.
This
essay will investigate the implicit reasons for
this
phenomenon and illustrate some salient adverse ramifications. In my opinion, urbanization has stemmed from individuals' aspirations for better living standards and more
job
vacancies.
Firstly
,
people
aspire to access better facilities,
such
as modern hospitals, attractive entertainment venues, and renowned educational institutions. The infrastructure in metropolitan areas is usually more developed than in rural areas, and the architectural style often includes more green spaces and communal areas.
For instance
, young
people
can find desirable educational institutions with better research facilities and larger campuses.
Secondly
, many
people
relocate to find employment with higher salaries and better welfare. In general, they have brighter future prospects in bustling cities, with more
job
opportunities and spaces to express their skills.
Furthermore
, they can learn new skills and gain experience before climbing the career ladder.
As a result
, they receive financial rewards, and recognition from colleagues and shareholders, which are cornerstones of their material and mental lives.
However
, urbanization has led to higher population density, resulting in many problems.
Initially
,
this
increased population leads to inflation of commodity prices when human demand exceeds supply capacities.
This
contributes to rising basic production prices and real estate shortages in many metropolises, forcing
people
to live in slums with poor living conditions.
For instance
, a recent journal report in Vietnam indicated that over five
people
suffocated in a fire
due to
a degraded electric system and the high density of workers in a small, shabby house.
This
massive migration has not brought better living conditions and has forced many labourers into sweatshops. With labour resources exceeding market demand,
people
face higher competition and lower salaries.
For example
, citizens often work overtime without bonuses to meet project deadlines and due dates.
To conclude
, from my perspective, better living standards and more
job
opportunities are the main impetus for
this
migration. The higher population density has exacerbated issues including poor living conditions and increased
job
competition.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

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Language Use
Incorporate varied sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to elevate the writing further.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between all paragraphs to enhance flow.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a thorough and well-developed response to the prompt, addressing both causes and consequences of urbanization in detail.
Task Achievement
Uses relevant and specific examples to support main points, making the essay more persuasive and credible.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that adequately summarize the main points discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical and easy-to-follow structure with well-connected ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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