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Band 6

Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #years
It is often argued that learning full-time at
school
 until young teenagers aged 18. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
 statement and will give the reasons to tackle it. It is vital to understand that
students
 need to focus on gaining knowledge. At
this
 age, children do not need to do anything and just concentrate on
listen
Change the verb form
listening
show examples
 to the lesson at
school
 and doing homework every day.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they should more practice to prepare for the future. It is easy for
students
 to analyse the information and grasp the answer correctly. They should have a position at
school
 because it will teach them to have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good social skills.
For instance
, many schools will organize events to connect other countries together and
this
 is a good chance for
students
 to communicate with foreign
students
.
However
, some suggest that spending all time at
school
 until the age of 18. A diploma will help
students
 in many aspects of job opportunities. The main reason for
this
 thinking is that
students
 will have a great career. The ones will increase their chances of getting a successful job. In general, people with a diploma have more chances of getting work is better than people without a degree.
In other words
,
students
 who have full degrees until college will boost their ability to apply for a job with high salaries in the future. In conclusion, some individuals believe that everyone should be in full-time education until they reach the age of 18.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance. The essay starts abruptly and can confuse the reader.
Task Achievement
Incorporate clear and relevant examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. Ensure each sentence naturally leads to the next.
Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Some points are vague and need further elaboration.
Task Achievement
Proofread your work to avoid grammatical and punctuation errors. This will help in presenting your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides some valid reasons and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
The usage of connectors and transition words helps in maintaining a general flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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