IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
In the contemporary world,
people
 can see news about how some Africans are suffering from hunger and desperately need food supplies, or about a country that has experienced a fine harvest season
due to
 a newly developed agriculture
technology
. Some will be surprised and wonder how these two distinct or even contradictory events take place at the same time, and how
people
 are still hungry
while
 there are technologies which could improve agriculture.
Therefore
,
this
 passage will discuss the reason for the phenomenon and the way to deal with it. One of the most important reasons for
this
 phenomenon is the resource endowment gaps between regions. Agriculture mostly depends on the natural resources of a region
such
 as the quantity of heat, water, precipitation, soil and so on. In consequence, some parts of the world,
such
 as East Africa, are not conducive to agricultural activities
due to
 their lack of soil and precipitation, which makes it hard to satisfy the needs of
people
 living in it.
In addition
, a country's agricultural level does not fully
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on natural resources, but
also
 its
technology
 level.
For example
, Saudi Arabia has made a significant improvement in its irrigation method which helps to produce more vegetables in the hot desert weather. Unfortunately, in most countries in poverty, where
people
 are still suffering from hunger, their
technology
 cannot afford to improve their agricultural skills to upgrade their productivity in farming.
Therefore
 with the aim of solving the problem, international cooperations are needed. The resolution of the problem can be divided into food supplements and
technology
 assistance. On one hand, countries with abundant food storage could spare some and sell it to countries that are urgently needed at a low price.
On the other hand
, some states could provide advanced agricultural technologies to those who needed to improve their agricultural level.
Submitted by 18310971390 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both the reasons behind global hunger and possible solutions. However, try to provide more specific examples or further elaborate on your existing examples to enhance the clarity and depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve the overall flow. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect your points more effectively.
task achievement
You have adequately covered the task by identifying both causes and solutions for global hunger. This displays a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, providing a sense of closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: