IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Government should focus their spending on public services rather than on arts. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#government #focus #services #arts
An ongoing debate related to national budget allocation is whether the national regulators should endow public convocation or artistic fields. Though the tangible and intangible values offered by arts for people are undeniable, these merits are not as fruitful as a public system.
Thus
, I articulate total opposition towards money distribution on arts. On examining the multitude of public service benefits,
it is clear that
 public facilities play an indispensable role in society, where residents can interact and foster social connections.
Therefore
, a quantum leap for public dawning like libraries, and recreational destinations is synonymous with an increase in residents’ satisfaction, which will unleash the productivity and ingenuity of civilians to contribute to society.
Hence
, it is supremely important for governments to subsidize more in public systems. On the light of environmental scales, public services generally can reduce the environmental issues, which are sounding an alarm bell to all nations across the world. More noteworthily, air pollution, which is caused by gaseous pollutants like discharge from clusters of factories, and exhaust fumes from big and small vehicles, can be abated incrementally by using public transit. A wealth of recent evidence indicates that utilizing trams and buses in 1 day can mitigate up to 1000 tons of toxic gas.
Thus
, it is essential for the government to invest more in public networks. To recapitulate, the viewpoint mentioned above offer offers evidence for the fact that public services can be phenomenally beneficial and are reasonably eligible to be subsidized by the governments.

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general
Ensure clarity and conciseness in your argument. Some sentences are convoluted and can be simplified for better reader comprehension.
general
Avoid jargon or overly complex language that might confuse the reader. Aim for clear, straightforward expressions.
coherence
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and follows a logical structure, with each paragraph building on the previous points.
coherence
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and explanations in support of the main argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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