IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You wanted to start your own business. Write a letter to a friend Tell him/her about your business Explain why you think it is a good idea Ask him/her help for some help or advice

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I hope that you are doing well. I’m writing
this
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 letter to inform you that I want to open a new business. I have decided to start a new café as I have experience in the food sector. I
also
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 asked a bank manager about total expenses and the loan process.
First,
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I will tell you the reason for opening a new business. I moved to the city around 2 months ago, and my apartment is located in the middle of the city.
Furthermore
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, I noticed that people need to travel so far to buy coffee or other fast food. So, I
through
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thought
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 it is the best area to start a new café with snacks.
In addition
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, I don’t have much knowledge about planning. I know you can easily manage. I would like you to advise me on making the proper planning structure and
also
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 the estimated cost.
Although
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 I have enough knowledge about managing the food industry, I definitely need your support to start my new business. Waiting for your positive response. Best Regards,
Prinsi
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Print

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a clearer sequence of ideas and smoother transitions between sentences.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed information about the business plan and how your friend can assist you further to enhance task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The greeting and closing are well-covered and appropriate for a personal letter.
Task Achievement
The letter maintains a friendly and conversational tone which is suitable for writing to a friend.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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