IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #time
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It is concerning that the majority of the elderly are not looked after properly because their children do not spend enough
time
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.
This
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 problem is attributable to pressure from
employers
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 and
stress
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 from family, yet
this
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 can be addressed by hiring carers and having flexible working
hours
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. The underlying problem is that these
people
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 get pressure from their
employers
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.
Although
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 the company they
work
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 for can provide some
time
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 off, the
work
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 that they left over would be stacked for another day and the
time
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 off they get
also
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 decreased significantly.
As a result
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, the employees who have to take
care
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 of their elderly would have less
time
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 to aid
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the needs of their elderly.
This
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 is especially true in China, where many
people
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 who have to
work
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 more than 15
hours
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 a day receive very little day off to
care
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 for their old parents. Another factor may be the
stress
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 from their family.
In other words
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,
people
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 have to balance the
time
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 for their family and the elderly depend entirely on their children if their body is too weak.
Consequently
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, unbalanced arrangements of
time
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 could cause conflict in the family or accidents might happen to the elderly if no proper
care
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 is taken. In Vietnam, there have been many recorded cases of conflict in families
due to
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 poor
time
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 arrangements to look after the elderly.
However
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, solutions can be made to cope with these problems. The most effective approach is negotiating with
employers
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 to
work
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 flexible
hours
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 in order to
bare
Verb problem
bear
show examples
 more
time
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 for proper caregiving. An additional method to amend
stress
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 from family is to hire caretakers from qualified services, these caretakers are all trained to give
care
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 to the elderly and report the situation if the hirer is not home.
Thus
Linking Words
 leading to reduce
stress
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 and ensuring appropriate medication for old
people
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.
Therefore
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, it can be seen that problems of family
stress
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 and
employers
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 are major reasons for the little
time
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people
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 have to take
care
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 of the elderly. Thereby, it should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken in the form of caretaker hiring and flexible
work
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hours
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 to ensure the well-being of old
people
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.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task with relevant examples and comprehensive ideas. However, consider simplifying some sentences for better clarity and to avoid awkward phrasing.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Also, be careful with some minor grammatical errors to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context of the problem and offers a brief overview of the possible solutions, which is well-structured.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as those from China and Vietnam, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion neatly ties together the main points discussed in your essay, emphasizing the urgency of the proposed solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
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