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Band 6.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #time
It is concerning that the majority of the elderly are not looked after properly because their children do not spend enough
time
.
This
 problem is attributable to pressure from
employers
 and
stress
 from family, yet
this
 can be addressed by hiring carers and having flexible working
hours
. The underlying problem is that these
people
 get pressure from their
employers
.
Although
 the company they
work
 for can provide some
time
 off, the
work
 that they left over would be stacked for another day and the
time
 off they get
also
 decreased significantly.
As a result
, the employees who have to take
care
 of their elderly would have less
time
 to aid
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the needs of their elderly.
This
 is especially true in China, where many
people
 who have to
work
 more than 15
hours
 a day receive very little day off to
care
 for their old parents. Another factor may be the
stress
 from their family.
In other words
,
people
 have to balance the
time
 for their family and the elderly depend entirely on their children if their body is too weak.
Consequently
, unbalanced arrangements of
time
 could cause conflict in the family or accidents might happen to the elderly if no proper
care
 is taken. In Vietnam, there have been many recorded cases of conflict in families
due to
 poor
time
 arrangements to look after the elderly.
However
, solutions can be made to cope with these problems. The most effective approach is negotiating with
employers
 to
work
 flexible
hours
 in order to
bare
Verb problem
bear
show examples
 more
time
 for proper caregiving. An additional method to amend
stress
 from family is to hire caretakers from qualified services, these caretakers are all trained to give
care
 to the elderly and report the situation if the hirer is not home.
Thus
 leading to reduce
stress
 and ensuring appropriate medication for old
people
.
Therefore
, it can be seen that problems of family
stress
 and
employers
 are major reasons for the little
time
people
 have to take
care
 of the elderly. Thereby, it should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken in the form of caretaker hiring and flexible
work
hours
 to ensure the well-being of old
people
.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task with relevant examples and comprehensive ideas. However, consider simplifying some sentences for better clarity and to avoid awkward phrasing.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Also, be careful with some minor grammatical errors to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context of the problem and offers a brief overview of the possible solutions, which is well-structured.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as those from China and Vietnam, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion neatly ties together the main points discussed in your essay, emphasizing the urgency of the proposed solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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