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Writing Samples
Band 6

¬¬¬¬¬Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Keeping healthy and fitness are the key factors to keeping your body healthy and which are sustain your life.A group of individuals argue that the better method to develop public
health
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 is by raising the figure of
sports
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facilities
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. Others
,
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apply
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 say there are other measures required to provide public
health
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. I will explain both views including my position in the upcoming paragraphs . To commence with the view that , workout activities promote a good balance between physical strength and mental
health
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.
In other words
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 , rising and increasing clubs and gyms encourage more
people
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 to join and participate in the activities to keep their energy and fitness up.
For example
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, regular workouts especially , in the gym can help reduce stress and improve performance in your body . So , a widely extended range of
sports
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facilities
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 and finding everywhere will make it easier for
people
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 to come . If there are only a few
sports
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 places it will be more difficult for
people
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 to reach and join .
However
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, if it is anywhere will be more accessible to them.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 believe that not only
sports
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facilities
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 can keep the vast majority of
people
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 healthy.
For instance
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 , my husband has solely had regular exercise without following the
diet
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due to
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 neglect their
diet
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 he is very fat.
Additionally
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, everything in
this
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 life requires a balanced
diet
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 and exercise.
Furthermore
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 , balance is the best way to maintain your weight and your
health
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. In conclusion , regular exercise and going to the gym to keep your
health
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 is essential for you.
While
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 other things
such
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 as following a
diet
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 can contribute to your
health
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 and fitness. In my opinion, public
health
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 is not dependent solely on
sports
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facilities
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 but
also
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 needs to
otherother
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do other
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 things .

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that your arguments are supported with relevant examples or explanations. This will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing more comprehensive ideas on both views, elaborating on how they contribute to public health improvement. This will improve task response.
language use
Try to enhance vocabulary and sentence structure to convey ideas more precisely and effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for the discussion and summarizing the key points effectively.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both views and gives a personal opinion, which meets the task requirement.
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