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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some believe governments should spend more money on improving roads and highways, while some think money should be spent improving public transportation, such as buses, trains, and subways. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#believe #governments #money #roads #highways #think #transportation #buses #trains #subways #points
People
 have different views about whether the government should invest more
budget
 in developing
roads
 or public transportation.
While
 some individuals argue that it is essential to allocate more money to improve highways’ conditions, I personally agree with those who believe that investing in public transportation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more important. It is true that the condition of
roads
 and highways is vital because they have a direct effect on road accident statistics.
For instance
, a road with poor
lightening
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lighting
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 and signage decreases the drivers’ visuality
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and puts their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 at risk.
Roads
 and highways need daily supervision by engineers in order to be safe, and there are several factors,
such
 as their asphalt, which need to be checked by professionals to prevent crashes. So, great amounts of
budget
 are needed, which should be provided by the government, to guarantee a safe and fast journey for the individuals.
However
, I agree with those who feel that public services’ conditions are more important than
roads
 or highways.
For example
, outdated trains, broken buses or slow subways would force
people
 to use their private cars which have various negative impacts not only on our environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 on traffic congestion. Allocating more
budget
 in
this
 particular sector will allow the government to modernize the public vehicles and increase their speed. It is evident that
,
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apply
show examples
 modern and high-speed public transportations encourage
people
, mostly employees, to use buses or subways to commute to their workplace , and
this
 trend will decrease air pollution in the metropolis
as well as
 traffic jams. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 suppose that the governmental
budget
 should be spent on
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
 improvement, I assume the public services which are used to transfer
people
 are more crucial.
Submitted by Negar_seddigh on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is mostly clear, but some sentences are slightly ambiguous. For example, ensure the differences between your arguments for road improvements and public transport improvements are more distinct, which will make your essay stronger.
coherence cohesion
While your essay includes a conclusion and an introduction, making the conclusion slightly more comprehensive can improve the overall closure of the discussion.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could mention a successful public transport system from a particular city or country to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the two viewpoints and states your opinion, which sets the stage for the rest of your essay.
task achievement
Your use of real-world implications, like road accidents and environmental pollution, helps to provide depth to your arguments and shows a strong understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Good job on discussing both sides of the argument and giving relevant points for each view, which demonstrates a balanced approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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