IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#future #nobody #newspapers #books
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We are living in a modern world whose citizens pay attention to the development of education.
Therefore
, numerous individuals suppose that one of these days, e-
books
 will completely replace traditional
books
 and newspapers. From my viewpoint, I don’t argue the opinion because no matter how the world changes, it will still retain the characteristics of human culture
due to
 written works and tabloids as the values that exist at all times.
Hence
, e-novel can't replace printed pamphlets. On the one hand, we cannot deny that electronic written works can have abundant benefits
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 saving time and money, convenience, etc. For starters, when we want to read or listen to a book, we merely need to open our phone, browse websites online, and choose the masterpiece we want,
consequently
, it can help us save time.
In addition
,
Books
 and stories online are frequently free or you need to watch some ads to get a full set of written works
instead
 of spending a few hundred VND.
However
, if you read online, you will accept several disadvantages like personal information leaked, harmful viruses downloaded to the computer, copyrights, and especially on a number of websites, you still ought to spend money to buy pages which results in making it extremely easy for you to be scammed.
On the other hand
, when you read novels, you can have lots of advantages
such
 as safety, reading feeling, protecting health, etc.
Firstly
,
as a result
 of you choosing to become a consumer in buying
books
, you will not be afraid of leaking your crucial information. On account of when you buy a printed masterpiece, no one will force you to provide details related to your identification documents. Meanwhile, for a great deal of masterpieces to read online, you must accept to transfer money to them, leading to fraud. You will lose your bank account number and your extremely essential information will be exposed.
In addition
, When you hold a masterpiece in your hand and turn each page, you will feel what it brings, a feeling that e-
books
 certainly cannot bring.
Finally
, reading printed tabloids will limit the negative effects on your eyes
instead
 of being affected by the blue light emitted by your phone. All in all, from my perspective, no matter how many years go by, e-
books
 cannot completely stand in for printed
books
.
Therefore
, they can only grow together.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
You have addressed the task well by presenting a clear opinion and providing reasons for your viewpoint. However, some points could be more clearly explained. For instance, explaining how printed books can ensure privacy might benefit from more specific examples or deeper explanation.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, at times, the ideas could flow more smoothly. Try to use more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
Some of the ideas could be developed further with more specific examples. For example, when you mention the benefits of printed books for health, you could provide more detail on how they protect eyesight compared to e-books.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to use linking words like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' appropriately to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint and outlines the main points you will discuss. This sets a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-organized structure with distinct paragraphs that each address a specific point, contributing to clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • cost-effective
  • cultural value
  • sentimental value
  • reliability
  • distracting
  • access to
  • digital devices
  • internet
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