Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Others think that they should act politely in all circumstances. Discuss both sides of the argument and give your opinion.

In the world of professional sports, a debate rages on the
behavior
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behaviour
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expected from players, both on and off the field.
While
some argue that
it
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they
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should be allowed to misbehave as long as they are playing
good
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well
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, others say players
holds
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hold
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a responsibility to maintain behaviour towards others all the time.
This
essay will look at
the
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apply
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both scenarios before reaching
to
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apply
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the
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a
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conclusion.
Submitted by MK on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and presents the topic well. However, to improve coherence, you should aim for a smoother flow between sentences and ideas. For example, the transition from discussing one viewpoint to another can be made more seamless by using transitional phrases or linking words.
coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's logical structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point or argument. Providing clear and separate paragraphs for each viewpoint will help in maintaining a structured argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a strong concluding sentence that wraps up the main idea of the essay, summarizing the arguments made and stating your position clearly.
task achievement
Addressing both sides of the argument is a good practice, but you need to provide well-rounded examples and explanations for each viewpoint. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
Discussing specific examples or evidence to support your points will provide more depth to your arguments. This might include citing incidents involving professional athletes and how their behavior impacted their career or public perception.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly outlined the two sides of the argument in your introduction, which provides a good foundation for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay topic is relevant and addresses the task prompt accurately.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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